Totally Unexpected Adventure
by HugLoverwithCazyHair
Summary: Hi! I am Caroline! My brother just left - he's gone to Italy to mom and dad, leaving me home alone. Again. I thought " Hey let's have a movie night, eat toasts, have fun. So I was making food and then heard a crash. Beeing all brave I decided to check it. Finding THE Thorin Oakenshield Company in my salon was not what I expected. R&R! 2 more Reviews and next chap will be out ! :)
1. What ?

_**A/N: Okay this is my first story like ever. xddd. I hope you will like it. Please leave a comment and tell me your opinion. DON'T be afraid to say something harsh - I won't be sad. I rather hear the truth than lies telling me story is fine. Haaha. God my friend told me to write a fanfic so here I am. I'm not good at writing but maybe this story will be liked so I thought why not ! Btw sorry for the grammar - I am not from English speaking country * shame *. I am Polish. But not about me. So like I said. I hope You enjoy!.**_

_**Ahhh I almost forgot. I don't own The Hobbit. If I did three best characters would not die. Hehe. **_

**_Question for all my readers: What is your fav color, fruit and animal ? Plus Check the updates! Xoxo_**

''Ughhhh why this crap is so slow ''I growled and smacked my computer for at least 100th time this day, not knowing I will probably regret that later. Yep today is definitely not my day. But I guess I should begin with the introduction right ?

Okay so what should I start with ? Name? Surname ? Age? Blah blah blah ? Normal people usually follow that. Well newsflash I'm not normal, not at all. So to be original I will begin with telling you this day something I would never, ever, EVER expect to happen happened… You must be thinking '' what the heck is she talking about ''. Well I'm trying to tell you that this boring and awful evening turned out to be great... Damm I'm not good at writing down my feelings. Okay. So to the main point – I met Thorin Oakenshield Company. No, not the cosplayers ( pfff I was a cosplayer I know how they look like). I guess right now I will follow the Blah blah introduction.

Sooo… My name is Caroline Drago. Yeah I know, great surname. Well my real one was just too plain and I felt a need to change. I went from the original one to Forbes, then Mikaelson, then Caro then Angeli and finally stayed with Drago. I believe I'm gonna change it again soon. I mean OFFICIALLY my last name is still the same. I just introduce myself like that. My friends know the real one... Ughh. SORRY bout that ! I have a nasty habit of talking too much and switching the topic. My bad…

Carrying on, I'm Caroline what is more I'm 15 going on 16 ! Yay. Haha. OKey what is important ? Well obviously I'm a girl. The body shape ( if anyone interested) is pear. I mean I'm not fat but not skinny either. More like in the middle you know ?. I am 169 cm tall and my weight is 57 if you care xd.

I have green eyes, brown curly hair reaching down my shoulders ( even though most of the time they look as if lightning struck me ) and bright smile, at least they say so.

I usually wear jeans or black pants with T-shirts and leather jacket. My favourite colors are gray, white, black. Yep so much for the rainbow lover. Hmmm. Any other facts ? I LOOOOOOOOOVE to eat (everything, but toasts are my favorite) , hug and befriend people, Hobbit and Lord of The Rings ( pfff who does not !? ), Transformers, Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Sherlock and other stuff you probably won't / don't watch. And If you do, then high five!

Kay enough about me! Unless there are questions…

Soooo where was I ? Ahh right. Lets start with what the hell happened ! Though I can't understand it myself, I will try to explain.

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It was nice evening i must admit. The sky didn't have any clouds, stars could be seen not to mention the moon which was shining beautifully. My neighbors for once were quiet, parents not at home, brother sleeping in his room, soft street noises coming from behind my window. Normally I would have called that a perfection. I don't need a lot to be happy. Just add a good book/fan fiction, cup of my beloved green tea moreover blanket on my back and I will squeal with happiness. On top of that, If I could lie on my couch = HEAVEN. So if all the points were fulfilled then Why wasn't it THE GOD PLACE ?

Well the reason is quite obvious to me.

I was fighting with my laptop again. Everyday is the same. This ,,old'' boy breaks all the time. Yes my Laptop is a he ( Name is Spike ).

'' OH come on ! Not again ! " I whined. I was peacefully trying to watch behind the scenes of The Hobbit but Spike was having different plans. I spent 15 minutes trying to refresh the page AND not lose it again but the crap wouldn't work. As always. One second I am watching BTS from Rivendell and not even a minute after I am glaring at my computer mumbling curses. The screen turned black and I heard a voice repeating the same word all over again.

Great. I smacked my laptop, not hard but not soft either, and waited. It usually worked. The sound stopped and I let a small victory smile spread across my face. Little did I know the victory was only temporary. Black screen turned white, red, blue, yellow and other colors of the rainbow while my eyes went wide. _THAT never happened before! I thought._ I got of my couch and slowly got back from the I smelt as if something was burning.

' 'Nooooo ! '- I screamed throwing my hands in the air. Great, just freaking great. This is SO not happening. Spike just burned. God, how ? _Well, at least he burned inside and didn't damage anything else. _Always an optimist. I sighed. Spike was only 3 years old and already been broken like 30 times. Not my fault. I mean 10 times were my fault the rest I have no idea what happened. I looked at my now smokey laptop and quickly realized a few things.

was repaired WAY too many times and each time mom and dad told me it's the last repair.

2\. The last time they MEANT it.

3\. He is my 7th laptop/computer.

4\. ALL my files ( school stuff, music, movies, series blah blah blah) were there.

5\. I am totally screwed.

Plus my parents gonna kill me. Wonderful. Just wonderful. All of a sudden an idea popped into my head.

Jack!

He is my older brother. You know the '' tall, handsome heartbreaker'' type? Well this is my bro. Jack stands 190 cm tall, has broad shoulders ( not that broad for me ), chest that even the hottest celebrities could be jealous of and smile to die for. His eyes are green like mine and his haircut is short, but not too short if you know what i mean. So chestnut hair and grass like eyes. Oh, did I mention dimples ? Yep my brother could definitely play a hot guy in a high school movie. He makes every girl I know go weak in her knees. I am always the one who sees him as messy and rather average 20 year old man. Every time I call him average my friends give me wide eyes and say: Whaaat? He's perfect!

And that's when I think about his ,, perfection''. Makes mess everywhere he goes, annoys crap out of me, Steals my stuff, is always grumpy when I'm around. But even though sometimes I wanna kill him , I love him more than anything... GOD we are off the topic again!

Why did I mention Jack ? Well, when it comes to technology he is GOD. I am not joking now. He can fix anything in a matter of hours, sometimes minutes, even seconds. Yep he is useful, specially if I break a lot. I break, he fixes.

Ughh. Back to Spike!

I decided that I should ask my brother to repair Spike, thank him, promise a reward and then mom and dad wouldn't try to kill me. Yay. _That sounds as a plan! _I thought happily. I walked over to my couch and took the laptop in my hands. I hissed in pain when my palms came in contact with hot bottom of the device, but I didn't drop it. _I bet hell isn't even as hot as this shit. _I took off to my brothers room which was at the end of the corridor. _Damn I swear my hands gonna turn into grilled chicken_. I tried extremely hard not to let the laptop fall out of my hands. I once did. And let's just say computers and floors don't like each other. When I reached his room I didn't even bother knocking. I just burst inside waking my brother in the process.

,,Ohh Jackie !''I said in sing like voice and quickly threw the laptop on the top of his, well, I guess a chair. Like I said earlier he was a messy person. And EVEN I have to say that. I looked around his ,,territory,, as he would call it what is more realized that nothing much changed since the last time I have been here. That was 3 weeks ago... His clothes were lying practically everywhere. The wardrobe was open and I swear I saw something moving there. _Must be a rat. Wait, WHAT?! _I tried to ignore that thought. Nevermind. Pizza boxes were standing in tall columns. I counted 2 that were towering me. The floor was barely visible under so much junk, the yellow walls were full of projects of his new inventions and posters of his Idols. You must think they were Einstein or Newton. You are wrong. Of course he loved those guys ( can't see why xd ), but his Idols were... Rockstars. I know, my bro is weird. But hey! We both love Axl Rose so he's not that bad. Anyway. I will spare you the description of the rest of his room cause you might get a heart attack and I don't want anyone to die. Let's just say, normal people would have thought a tornado went through his room. I won't disagree. Imagine the dirtiest, messiest, untidiest, disguistingest ( that's not even a word but hey) room ever.

I cautiously walked to Jack's bed and gently shook his arms. That was not easy to be done for he was sleeping under a giant quilt with some of his drawings on it. Did I mention he could draw like goddamn DaVinci ? Ughh.

My brother wouldn't wake up for 10 minutes and that's why my patience ran out. I took a deep breath just to scream as loud as I could. That got him. I never saw someone jump out of bed with that speed. That was hilarious. Him standing in the ninja position with his black pants and panda bears T-shirt looking around the room as if something was going to attack him in matter of seconds. I laughed loudly at his reaction. He just glared at me with annoyance and brushed off whatever was covering his shirt. We did a staring contest for a a while and then I reminded myself why did I even go there.

''You need to fix my laptop. It went all Kaboom – whuush again'' – I told him while waving my hands like some maniac. He just crooked his head and smirked. Ahh I know that one. The smile that said: "You come here cause you need me to save your ass''. What can I say? My bro knows me best.

,,Care stop breaking stuff. You really have a bad thing for electronics. Ever thought about contacting a doctor ? I mean seriously '' – he said teasingly. Yup me and computers, TVs, laptops, microwaves anything like that = Disaster. Sad but true. I just rolled my eyes and huffed.

'' And what will I say ? Hey doc listen I have this problem that every time I go near something electronic it goes all cray cray whiizz shuuush ? Yeeesss. because he won't send me to mental asylum .'' I replied and tapped my head.

Jack laughed and so did I. Most people would have started an argument but that's not us. We can offend each other, scream and shout at each other, call each other psychos and stuff like that but we would never actually fight. Never did and never will. I walked to his chair and took Spike in my hands. He was still hot but not the ''I'm gonna fry you'' hot. I slowly approached Jack.

'' Now really, can you fix it ?'' – I asked with hope in my voice while handling the laptop over. He sighed and looked at Spike. His face paled and Jack looked as if he just saw a ghost. His eyes were dancing between me and my laptop. I doubt he has ever seen Spike in that condition. When I realized he never reacted like that I took a double take on my PC and damn he looked worse than I thought. His silver cover was now black and smelly, the keyboard was totally damaged, and the screen looked as if I punched it. This is definitely the worst damage I/God knows what caused. Shit. No way he is going to repair him. The only thing he could do was to buy a new one and I couldn't ask him to do that. My shoulders slumped. Jack frowned but wasn't put off by Spike's condition. He looked my laptop over warily, spun him a little bit, looked at the bottom, even smelled it. The whole ,,process'' took him about 3 minutes however for me it felt like ages. Finally he looked at me with his emerald eyes, I held my breath and waited for his judgement.

" Care I am not going to lie.''- _Bad sign... Bad sign... - '' _This time the poor boy's condition is the worst you did. And honestly I have no idea how you did that, but any normal person would tell you there's no way to fix Spike." He threw my laptop in the air, did a spin and caught it again, a wide grin spread on his face. " But don't forget sis. I'm not a normal person. Give me a week, 9 days max. '' He said as he put Spike on his bed. ''Trust me sis, I am the best in the world'' He winked at me. God I swear, he is so cocky sometimes. This time it didn't irritate me, no, this time it made me giggle.

'' Thank you Jack. '' - I replied and threw my arms around his neck, which was quite hard ( curse his height). When I drew back I pocked his chest and teasingly confidently stated:

''You're not the best in the world. The best person ever is Gandalf. ''

'' Ah - ah - ah - he waved a finger at me - Gandalf is not real, and I am''. I stack my tounge out at him. _Huh. We hugged like seconds ago and now we're teasing. Ehh. Normal. _All of a sudden my brother became serious. Then terrified. Then confused and terrified once more. ''Care" he hesitantly inquired '' What day is today ? '' Da fuq? Really? By the look of his face I thought he put the TV remote in the fridge or that maybe he murdered someone and forgot to hid the body ( Yep. Black humor lads xd) or I don't know, broke our parents vase. But no, he asks me the current day.

'' It's Friday. You know, Friday the 16th? 16th of January ? '' I answered calmly and glanced at him suspiciously. ''Jack what did you do ?'' As soon as the last word left my mouth I saw my brother fill his ,,travel bag''with clothes in the speed of the light with the look of horror on his face. _Wait, why the hell is he packing ?! Mom and Dad in Italy and he was supposed to be there... Oh shit. Ohh shit. SHIT. _My mind screamed at me for not reminding him that his plane leaves today. Ughhh _STUPID _I scolded myself. The moment I realized what was happening I started to clean his room. Why would I do that ? Well mom and dad clearly stated that if he was to join them in Italy he's room had to be tidy. I looked at his black clock and saw it was 7 pm. Plane leaves at 10:00. _He still has time_. At least I hoped so. After 20 minutes my bro had all the luggage he needed, his place all tidy and shiny ( Call me God, I have no idea how I managed to do that), hair done, breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper eaten, my compuer packed in his hand luggage, tickets packed and all that jazz. He was now standing at the porch waiting for the taxi to arrive. I walked over to him.

'' I can't believe you would miss Italy. It's the only country in Europe you haven't been to... '' I winked at him smiling, but soon the grin disappeared from my face. And now you will be gone for 3 weeks'' - I said staring at the bright sky. God it was truly beautiful. I heard him snicker so my eyes left the night ocean and landed on him. He was smirking again.

'' If I had not known you, I would say you're going to miss me'' He said in a teasing voice. I punched him on the arm lightly. We both giggled and soon a comfortable silence fell over us. The cab arrived within 5 minutes. _God that was fast_ I thought with disbelief. I turned to Jack again and hugged him ever so tightly as if I was not going to see him for the rest of my life. I had a strange feeling about this trip but I didn't want to worry Jackie.

'' Be careful, take care and don't party too hard''. He laughed in response.

'' Care are you my mom ? I will be fine, I'm freaking 20 ! ''. I knew he was right, it was just the strange feeling I couldn't shake off. But oh well, he is a grown guy. Sort of. For the last time in this month we exchanged hugs, glances, funny faces ( no goodbye without these) and high fives.

My brother got into the taxi and waved his hand at me. I waved back and watched as the car grow smaller and smaller and soon vanish from my view. I sighed and went back to the house. Closing the door I let my thoughts flow.

_ Jackie is on a life adventure in Italy. Mom and dad are with him. As always. *SIGH* And once again I'm home alone. Yay. Just like Kevin. All alone. All alone in freaking 200 square meters. Nah Kevin at least had fun with burglars... Hmm what to do? Draw? Nah.. Paint? Nah... Read! Yeah that is.. Ow wait no. I already read everything. Shit.. Hmmm. Music..Yes! Let's start with music! That's the basic of __existence. _

As I thought I did. I took out my phone ( the only thing that I never destroyed) used the app my brother designed and sweet sound of Disciple's song filled my ears.

_**Our faces were forgotten, the unrecognizable**_  
_**It's a mystery in this paradox.**_

I turned on the ""WHOLE HOUSE"" option and soon my home was filled with pleasant melody, at least it was pleasing for me. I smiled and sang along. It was one of my favorite songs.

All of a sudden I felt a need to eat something. I mean I'm hungry most of the time but then I felt a special hunger I only feel for one thing in the world. Yep. I have cravings for food. My grin grew wider and I decided to ask.

'' So stomach, Jackie is gone and you sense it don't you ? You silly monster. Always for toasts when family is gone. You want toasts? '' I heard him growling back with what I assumed was excitement. I laughed hearly as I patted my stomach. Yes I'm a wierdo who has conversations with my stomach. Not only him. Feel free to call me insane but he has emotions too ! I walked into the kitchen in dance - dance way and looked around. _Thank God it's clean. _Don't get me wrong. It's not like our entire house is always messy it's just... Never mind - not important. So everything seemed to be in order. I could easily see my reflection in black tiles and in white floor ( good sign). That was the most important thing for my dad. Keep the kitchen clean. Rest doesn't matter. I walked over to black fridge and grabbed the butter, then I headed to white cupboard and took my beloved toast bred out. I smelled it and soon I felt the happiest person in the world. haha. I quckly shoved them in the toaster and decided I should go change.

I took black Linkin Park shirt and jeans of and put my pajama on. How did I look like ? Well kinda like a guy. I was wearing my brother's old gray sleeveless shirt with PSYCHO KILLER written in black letters on it what is more knee long,checked pants which colors were yellow, white and gray. The most comfortable clothes ever.

_ Ahhhh I love this outfit. Perfect for movie night. Yes! That't it! I'm gonna have a movie night. Wonder what's on TV today. _

When the idea popped in my head I was overjoyed. I finally came up with what do to, beside eating and music. I entered the living room and checked TV. The Avengers were on. Yay. Robert Downey Junior for the rescue from boredom! And of course Tom Hiddleston and his voice. Urgh I have a soft spot for men with accents. I grinned like a kid who has just seen a candy. I ,,traveled'' back to the kitchen to bring the toasts and start the movie night.

I was putting butter on my ,,delicious meal " when I heard a deafening crash. Instantly I stopped my actions and sharpened my hearing. I heard grunts and puff. _Not my dog, not the Smiths. Shit someone broke in. Oh God everything but that!_ This was not okay. Suddenly I heard voices coming from my living room. Any normal person would probably have phoned the police and quietly hid somewhere in the house but not me. I gulped and took a deep breath. _Whoever this is he will feel_ my_ wrath if something was damaged. _I thought boldly. I needed a plan. A good plan. At least a tolerable plan. Think fast. Think fast.

_ Okay, if they are armed I am in deep shit, if not then maybe I have a chance to get rid of them. Damn I'm turning into Kevin. I swear if those_ burglars_ gonna look like Marv and Harry I'm cutting my hair C__ulkin style__. _I took the plate with golden toasts ( First time I didn't burn them and I have robbers in my house, my freaking luck) in my left hand and grabbed a kitchen knife with the right. Taking another deep breath I slowly moved towards salon, watching my every step. God I have never felt that nervous in my entire life. When I finally reached the door frame I heard someone cursing softly.

_ The guy sounds old. Why would a senior break into the house ? Wait.. The voice sounds familiar. No. Don't think about that stupid ! _I mentally scolded myself. I decided to peek and check what my opponent looks like. What I have seen was faaaaaaaar from what I was expecting to see. A tall man was standing with his back turned to me. Okay I have seen tall guys before but his height was not the thing that got me staring. It was, well his look in general. He was wearing a grey, pointy wizard hat, a matching grey robe and held a long staff. His grey/white hair fell down his shoulders.

_ WTF?! Why is the burglar dressed like Gandalf?! For God's sake The Company is here too? Yeah right. Maybe they are not robbers but cosplayers. But how the hell did they get in? Hmm the costume is very well done. Wonder how much time he spent with the wig. Urgh Stop! He still broke into your house! _

Before I could ask him wtf he thought he was doing, shock paralyzed me. I was now standing in the doorway, with a kitchen knife raised ninja style, plate of toasts, mouth agape, eyes wide staring at '' Gandalf'' or rather what was in front of him. (Yes the ''wizard '' moved a little as if he knew I wanted to look, again wtf? )

There before me was _**THE**_ Thorin Oakenshield Company. Balin, Dwalin, Oin, Gloin, Nori and Dori were lying on top of each other grumbling. Bombur on the black couch with his head stuck between the cushions, Bifur and Bofur were somehow tangled in red hangings and Ori wrapped in the crimson carpet. _What the hell!?_ Shock was slowly fading away and I was about to ask what was happening when I heard a groan. My eyes shot to the place where it came from. I didn't know it was possible but my eyes grew even wider when I saw Fili and Kili lying on a book shelf, books all over them and I think I saw one in their pants, that I heard was cracking under their weight. Poor Bilbo was hanging from the chandelier, clutching it.

_ Okay don't freak out. These are just cosplayers that broke into your house. Maybe you know them. Maybe it's Chris from the last cosplayers meeting. Or Jared. Or Adam. with their friends. Deep breaths. Wait. Where is Thorin? Haaa ! Not complete cosplay!_ That was when my eyes spotted the dwarven King. He was standing next to Gandalf his sword raised as if ready to attack. He was looking around but failed to notice me. Yay, invisibility - level Caroline. My eyes did linger on him longer. I mean he was hot. The hottest dwarf in the company. His hair might have been a mess and he could have had a few traces od blood on his face but still - handsome. Blame Richard Armitage and his eyes and voice and body and everything.

_ STOP FANTASING ABOUT FICTIONAL CHARACTER! _Again I taunted myself.

I could not believe my eyes. 13 dwarfs, A hobbit and a wizard. Are in my house. My living room. Not even 6 meters from me. _ THEY ARE NOT_ REAL_ YOU MORON _I reminded myself._ Of course! they have to be cosplayers. Wow the outfits are great. Maybe I should ask where did they get them.. URGHH NO!_ The dwarfs were trying to get up from their places and I heard Gandalf counting them and asking if they were fine. _Wow, dude totally nailed the voice._

I guessed the fact I was so shocked, confused and angry was the reason that my hand lost it's grip which resulted in dropping the plate and my dear, beloved, delicious toast falling to the ground. They must have heard the plate crash because suddenly all eyes were at me. I just continued to stare at them and they stared at me. Now the whole room was frozen. I believe Biblo beat me when it comes to the width of eyes.

_ Must be the way I'm dressed. They have to think I'm a guy. Wait no. I have a girly face and my hair loose. Shit, the clothes. WHAT! Why do I care!? The are cosplayers. With realistic weapons. Oh my God. They might be real. Shit. Shit, shit shit. Cosplayers, murderers with real weapons. Great._

Thorin was the first person in the room that recovered from shock and ripped my from my thoughts. He stepped forward with his sword aimed at me and looked into my eyes with suspicion.

''Who are you?'' He asked, his voice threatening. I couldn't speak. My mouth were moving but no sound came. My mind was screaming._ He nailed Thorin's voice too. Oh God they are way too realistic. But they can't be real! It's not a goddamn fanfiction. And if they are real. Then... THE Company is here. Thorin Oakenshield is speaking to me, probably thinking I am enemy. The dwarfs are in my house... Nooo, Impossible. Or possible. I have to think. I have to eat. WAIT! _Suddenly the most horrifying thought at that moment crossed my mind:

** MY TOASTES ARE LYING ON THE FLOOR AND I'M FREAKING HUNGRY !**

So yeah… Beginning of God knows what!

_**A/N: Okay that was chapter 1 ! Phew * sigh* that was hard. I had been writing it for 5 days xd. Starting with word count - 1491. Yep I rewritten it about 10 times xd. Found any mistakes ? Any suggestions ? Any paring you want ? Reviews always welcomed ! Need 5 to continue ! :)**_

_**Hugs and kisses to you all My Astonishing Apples :3**_


	2. Chapter 2: A bit of courage and toasts

**A/N:**

** Guess who's back ! Me! * eats toasts* Yep my character didn't get any but I did. * evil grin* ****So I decided to post another chapter. I must say wow. Wow wow and wow again. **

**60 freaking people read my story ! OH MY GOD you have no idea how happy I am. Made me smile like a maniac. * giggle ***

**Also I would like to thank Captain's doxy, LadyLucy1990, Ogregal, VampireRockBitch and ****hannahizar** **for following my story * hugs you tightly***

**Nightgirl2207: Just wrote this one ! :D**

**VampireRockBitch: Taking your advice this one will be shorter :).**

**Okay so I hope you will enjoy the next chapter of my weird story! **

**Also If anyone is confused:**

**"..." - talking**

_**Blah blah blah - **_**_thoughts _**

Previously on Totally Unexpected Adventure:

''Who are you?'' He asked, his voice threathing. I couldn't speak. My mouth were moving but no sound came. My mind was screaming._ He nailed Thorin's voice too. Oh God they are way too realistic. But they can't be real! It's not a goddam fanfiction. And if they are real. Then... THE Company is here. Thorin Oakenshield is speaking to me, probably thinking I am enemy. The dwarves are in my house... Nooo, Impossible. Or possible. I have to think. I have to eat. WAIT! _Suddenly the most horryfing thought at that moment crossed my mind:

**MY TOASTES ARE LYING ON THE FLOOR AND I'M FREAKING HUNGRY !**

Yes, you might think I am crazy that in situation like that I thought about food. Well I might be kinda crazy. I honestly think I am insane. How could I thought they were real? I mean they were... But nevermind let's get back to what happened next!

My brain slowly started to register what was going on. My eyes decided it was the high time to leave ''Thorin'' and danced around the room. Everyone were now standing behind ''Gandalf'' staring at me and/or their ''leader''. I saw that most of them were confused, some terrified, only Dwalin remained indifferent. _Damm, dude totally nailed Dwalin._ The room wasn't as damaged as I thought it would be. I mean sure, the book shelf looked as if I threw my brother on it, but what is most important still hanged!, The hangings were lying on the floor torn in a few places, the cushions were in rather good condiotion ( i don't mind a few stains ). The floor what is more walls looked rather fine not counting a few scratches and stamps of what I hoped was mud. Let's just say living room looked as if me and Jack decided to do some karate fight.

_Worse happened._ Yep. Once we had a ,,fantastic'' idea to become sumo wrestlers. So everything would be fine, if only my bro hasn't broken TV and the window, breaking my arm in proccess ( don't ask). I have never seen mom and dad THAT mad before. Oh, sorry! Again changing the topic. I swear I won't do it again !

My eyes lazily traveled through the room until they spotted something that shattered my heart into million pieces.

'' My toasts " I said with a broken voice suddenly forgeting about the whole group in front of me. _Shit! Those were the best toasts I ever did and now they are on the floor. Nooo. Come on. _Call me a drama queen but I actually felt tears froming in my eyes and my lip trembling. My left hand tried to reach the bread of Gods ( Yes that much obsessed), but it was quite hard since it was the only part of my body that I could move. _Curse you shock!_ '' Toasts come back, come back'' I whispered, my eyes never leaving the great meal. I bet I said that better than Kate Winslet in Titanic.

'' What? '' I heard a confused voice. Unfortunately the ''never leaving'' eyes had to abandon the toasts. It was Cosplayer King ( good name right ? ) who asked me. I glared at him for breaking my ''epic'' moment. He was still holding the Orcrist dangerously close to my face. I took my time to examine the blade. Yep I'm a geek. It was perfect replica. I have seen the movies so many times but the beauty of the blade never stoped to amaze me. I have seen many copies of Orcrist but none of them were THAT ideal and precise. I have one on my own, but mine is not even half this... well, majestic as his. This one looked as if was made by real Elves. _I wonder how much he payed. _ _Damn even if he is a cosplayer, the sword is way too freaking realistic. What if they are real.? NO Caroline don't be ridiculous. They can only be some ehmm. Well shit I don't know. Shit shit shit..._ I looked away from the blade just to find a pair of sapphire eyes staring at me. Damn if only looks could kill, I would be dead in matter of seconds. Don't get me wrong. True he was basically shooting daggers at me with those eyes but I could not help but to stare back. _I could lookin these eyes for hours. Carbon copy of Richard Armitage. Ughh Stop it ! _I scolded myself. _It's not the time you fantasize about actor/character you will probably never meet! _My thoughts were rudely interrupted by the subject, or should I say clone of the subject, of my fantasies.

_'' _I asked, who are you **_woman?_**'' He growled at me with venom in his words, moving Orcrist closer to my face. _Woman? Did he just call me a woman ?!. _I felt anger taking over me what is more the paralysis leaving my body. No one, (shall I repeat?) no one calls me woman! I took a deep breath and with one swift move I deprived him of his own weapon using the kitchen knife. Don't ask me how. Sometimes I turn into a ninja. Orcrist flew a few meters away landing softly on the couch followed by a few gasps from the ''Company''.I felt myslef smile. _ Ha! Take that you pig! _The Cosplay King looked at me with disbelief which was soon replaced with fury.

'' What do you think you are doing woman!?'' He hissed through gritted teeth. _He called me woman again. And he dares to ask what do I think I am doing!? _That was it. I am a pacifist ( usually) and really hate violence but I thought I should make and exepction. I was not going to hit him, Gods no! However I would definitely give him a piece of my mind. Taking a brave step forward I was now standing no less than 20 cm from him. It was not an exact face to face because he was a bit shorter than me. His head reached my brows so I decided to bend my knees a bit to have our eyes at the same level. My action made him growl in response. I didn't really care.

'' Listen up you freaking cosplayer. If I hear you call me woman one more time I swear to God that your handsome face will soon look worse than Goblin's ass!'' I saw his eyes grew a bit wider and heared him let out yet another growl. He opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him raising my hand and knife.

''You dare to ask me who I am ?! I am the owner of this house and you and your little group - I pointed at the ''Company'' and Gandalf standing a few feet away from us - are freaking burglars! What the hell you thing you're doing ?! I mean okay, cosplay is cool I have done it on my own but seriously!? - I threw my hands in the air - Breaking into someone's home dressed as Thorin Oakenshield Company? What kind of sick fun is that? You are some crazy cosplayers?! You destoyed my salon! How the hell did you even get here? Doors are locked and so are the windows. Maybe you are serial killers who like to torture people!? Ehmm. No. God was uncalled for. You don't look like killers. No. I take that back - I said quickly sending an apologetic look to Bofur who just noded and a small smile appeared on his face.

''Still why would you do that? Cosplay is great and I would have helped you if you needed something, even though I don't know you I love to help people, but you seem to already have the whole outfit perfectly done, so my question still stands. Why the hell come here !? Is this some kind of a joke Jack came up with?! Urghr why I am even mentioning my brother.. Now I will be nice and not gonna call the police if you explain to me WHAT THE HELL are you doing! I must say costumes are impressive and you nailed Armitage's sexy voice but still I want answears '' I screamed at him. A lot of emotions floating trough me. What I said might have not made sense at all. I mean I bet you had to read it twice to understand what I meant but I can't help beeing messy when it comes to talking. Especially talking while enraged. _Wait, Did I say he had a handsome face and sexy voice?! Shit. _I felt my cheeks turning a light shade of red. _Ahh screw that ! At least what I said was true. Honesty for the win. _

I was breathing heavily like a dog after a run and ''Thorin'' was staring at me shocked by my outburst. My hands were in the air again.

'' Ughh stop staring at me as if I just spoke some Elvish. Just answear.'' I said impatiently. Shock left him faster than I could blink and again he was his angry self. God I thought I was bipolar.

'How dare you speak in that manner to a king?'' he asks his voice raised. You say what!? Was this guy serious?

'' Okay cut it! Stop the cosplay for a second and answear my question!'' I said my voice demanding.

'' I do not know what cosplay and you do not make any sense,_ **girl**_, so I will not answear your question!'' He held his head high when he said that. Oh God. _Wow. Not only hot but grumpy and rude like Thorin. Good job. _

'' What you mean you don't know what cosplay is!? Then why the hell are you dressed as Thorin Oakenshield? And what about the rest !?'' I asked not quite knowing what was going on. If this guy didn't know what cosplay was then why would he be dressed like that. I looked at the group behind the '' wizard''. They were no longer behind him actually, they were slowly approaching us their eyes locked on mine. This was when something hit me. Every normal person would have already cracked up and laughed. They didn't. It meant they:

a) were pretty good actors

b) The characters from my beloved book just came to life and are standing in front of me.

Great. Now I will have to question my sanity.

'' How do you know who I am? WHAT else you know about us?''

'' Wait. Wait. Who you are? You say you are Thorin Oakenshield? THAT Thorin Oakenshield? Yeah right and I am a Queen of England. '' I answeared mockingly and narrowed my eyes. He did the same. I saw him clenching his fists. We stared at each other for what felt like hours when all of a sudden I felt a warm hand touch my arm, involuntarily I looked up and saw Gandalf smiling at me.

'' I believe that both sides are rather confused about what is happening. I guarantee you lady...'' He trailed off and waited for me. For a second I did not quite understand what was taking place. Just a second._ Okay ONE guy can do the voice perfectly, but TWO?! Okay no way. They would have to practise for years. Or maybe they are truly real? I will have to check that. Somehow... _Yes all these thoughts took me about a second. - Fast thinker.

'' Caroline - I answeared - but I ain't any lady or miss so don't call me that'' I said calmly and noded signalising Gandalf to carry on.

'' Yes. I guarantee you laa... Caroline that we mean no harm. We were simply exploring the trolls cave when suddenly the ground opened and the next moment we found ourseleves in your... place '' He explained their situation to me and I as a true Hobbit ( and Sherlock ) fan started a deduction. That consisted of frowning my forehead and pursig my lips, bringing one hand to hold my jaw.

_Wait. He says they were exploring the cave... Sooo it means that they were to be eaten by trolls no less than, well lets's say 20 minutes ago. The whole Troll Scene starts in about 60th minute of the movie. There is still 109 minutes to go, 122 if this is extended version. Basicly the adventure haven't even started yet. Well it did, but it didn't as for much of action. ( You get it right ? ). Thorin still doesn't like Biblo. They haven't been in Rivendell yet. Ahh that's a pity. This place is so freaking beautiful. God I wish I could meet Elrond and Arwen and E__elladan and Elrohir... Ugh stop thinking about elves stupid! Nevermind. Where was I? Ahh right. So nobody is hurt. Good. Well I have no idea what to think about that. Shit. I might be going crazy. Why would I even believe they are real ? Hmm gotta make someone do something to prove it. I know! Gandalf is a wizard. Make him do a wizard-y trick! Ha genius! Ehhh my deduction is not good when I am hungry. Wait. I am hungry. I. AM. HUNGRY! Those bastards ruined my toasts!. Damm I have to make new ones. Grrr. _

_OKay talk to them. Jeez they are staring..._

As the thoughts rolled through my head, various emotions could have been seen on my face. After realising that I must have looked like an idiot I decided it was high time to speak. I took a deep breath.

''Okay let me get this straight. You were in troll cave. So basicly you say you are Gandalf the Grey ? And this is THE Thorin Oakenshield Company?'' I asked in a suspicious yet calm voice. It still seemed impossible. I had to have answears.

'' Yes, my name is Gandalf the Grey. And you are correct to say that this is Company of Thorin Oakenshield. However I do not understand, how do you know this? '' came the wizard's reply. How was I supposed to answear that? Hey, in my world you guys are books and movies!? And guess what I know who dies?! Yes, great idea.

'' Not important right now, sweetie'' I waved my hand '' What is important, is my main question. Are you REAL Gandalf? How can I know you are not a cosplayer huh? Costume is impressive, voice acting amazing... But still. I need to decide.

Call the police because you are burglars in fancy clothes OR call the psychiatrist cause I might have gone crazy OR it's freaking magic and book/movie characters are alive!. I need a proof. Something, anything.''

'' Why should we prove anything?'' asked an irritated voice that belong to Thorin. I sent Gandalf apology smile and slowly turned to the King.

'' Listen Grumpy ass I might like your character but you are total jerk right now. I am trying to come to terms with mister Magic over here and I so kindly ask you to shut up for 5 more minutes. Is this clear your majesty?'' I ask mockingly, sending him my best smile and fluttering my eyelashes. I even curtsed. The look on his face was worth it. I swear if I was in a different situation I would have laughed rolling on the floor. Thorin didn't seem so amused for he shot me another glare and let out another deep growl. I just rolled my eyes._ He's such a drama queen. Even bigger than I am. _

'' Well guys back to the main topic. Do something only a person from Middle Earth would do! I know! Gandalf, if you truly are a wizard then can you do a magic trick? '' I enquired with hope in my voice.

If he was Gandalf, then why would I miss a free show? While the wizard was busy deciding whether or not it is a good idea to show me some magic, I decided I should take a look at the crowd I was surrounded by. King under the Mountain was pissed and God I don't know why but his face made me chuckle.

Oin, Gloin, Nori and Bombur were whispering to each other pointing their fingers in many directions. _They must be __discussing why my room looks like that. Poor things. They must think I am some crazy girl. EHH.. Wait. Poor me then! _

Ori, Dori and Bofur were examining the photo that hang over the fireplace. I must say my dad has a good taste in that stuff. It showed Marylin Monroe in her most famous pose. ( You know the pic) All I have to say is that they were staring at her legs blushing deeply._ Men. Always for the body parts. _I thought. My favourite part of the picture was her smile. Really. I absolutely adored her face. I still do. I heard Ori saying something like '' it's inappropriate '' to which his friends noded furiosuly in agreement. I tried hard not to laugh on this one. If they thought that was inappropriate then they should never go to the beach. _Oh God. Dwarves on the beach. Hhahahahah. Bombur only in swimming pants with no shirt. Big belly Hahhha.. Oh . Bad image! Aghhh it's burning my eyes. MY EYES. EWWWW. Think about something better. Think Kili and Fili shirtless. Ahhh better, much better. Damn hot. Or Thorin. Awww yeah. Ughhh Caroline stop drooling over them! _

I couldn't help the wave of giggles that escaped me. Oh I am silly. I brought a fist to my mouth to tame the sounds coming from me and decided to move on with ''observations'' Bifur was still holding his weapon, probably in case I attacked them ( yeaahh that's gonna happen), Balin was sitting on my couch and seemed to be deep in thoughts. Dwalin stood in the same spot he did when I first saw him. The only one to remain calm. I frowned. _Wait where are Fili and Kili?_ As soon as the thought crossed my mind, my eyes started to roam the living room. It took me a few seconds to notice them. Those two were up to something, I could tell that just judging the look on their face. _What you wanna do ?_ As soon as the thought crossed my mind I realised that my mother's chinese vase caught their attention. I felt color drain from my face. _Shit. If they break that my mom will break me! _I saw Kili's hand slowly trying to reach it. _Over my dead body! Mom would kill me if I touched that, wonder what she would do to them! _I narrowed my eyes and let out a deep growl, even deeper than Thorin's. That worked. Kili's hand stopped mid air and was now about 10 cm from the antique. His head turned in my direction. I crossed my arms and let out another growl, showing him I want him to stay away from the vase. He seemed to understand my animal like sounds, because I saw him withdraw his hand, then he sent me the cutest apology smile I have ever seen and winked at me. I gave him an approving nod and felt my ears turn light shade of red.

_Oh God he is so sweet. Even when he is in trouble he is like a little kitten. Awww. Imagine him in kitty ears. AWWW._

''Alright'' Gandalf's voice ripped me from my ''Kili The Kitten'' world.

'' Alright what ?'' I was quite confused. Damn you Kitty Kili! I forgot what was happening just a few seconds ago.

'' Alright, I will show you ehm. A magic trick'' The wizard explained calmy. It took me a while to procces what he said. _Aaaa. I asked him do to some abrakadabra. Right. _I noded my head in excitement. I heard him chuckle and before I could blink, million lights filled my salon. What I saw was undescribable.

_ I believe you wanted to read the description of these right? Like I said. Undescribable. However if you want to feel what I felt at that moment... Close your eyes and try to imagine the best, the most colorful, the beautifulest ( if that word exists), the craziest fireworkshow ever. Got it? Yay. Then let's go back to the story!_

I felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop. I might have looked like and idiot but I didn't care. This was amazing. All of a sudden a light/firework butterfly landed on top of my nose. God, it was such a cutie. Glittering red and blue wings were perfect. It's cobalt black eyes met my grassy green ones. We stared at each other simply admiring our view. Slowly I raised my hand to pet it, however this ''animal'' was faster and soon disappeared into thin air. I giggled and spuned around like a little child. I felt eyes of the Company on myself but it didn't matter. To be honest I forgot about them. (Yes nasty habbit to forget things). I danced in the light for about 10 minutes when abruptly all of it just died out and so did my smile. Realization hit me with the strength of thousand warriors ( epic comparsion ).

_OH. MY. GOD. THEY ARE REAL! OH SHIT. Shit, shit, shit. But how? What?! I am going crazy. OH God this is real Gandalf. And real dwarves, and real hobbit. Awww damn. Wait. I said that Thorin had a handsome face and sexy voice to REAL Thoirn. * mental smack* Idiot. Oh God. Urghhh Dumbass, moron, idiot, dullhead. Okay. Don't stand like that do something. Something! _

'' Well, Caroline I hope that resolved any doubts, correct? '' asked Gandalf in a merry tone.

'' Y-Y-Yes. I believe you n-n-now. '' I stuttered. All amounts of courage I had earlier, fled and were replaced by confusion and well, slight fear. I felt my hands sweating - it was a sing I was nervous. I had no idea what to do. What you do with 13 dwarves, wizard and hobbit in your home!? I have read fanfictions but then every single one seemed useless. I knew I should say something else but I couldn't. I know. I am bipolar. One second I am all '' pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows'' and second I am like '' Aw shit I have to hide. Me so scared''. So yeah. I was in the seocnd one then.

''Lady Caroline, are you okay?'' a concerned voice enquired. It belonged to Ori.

'' Y-Yeah I'm fine'' Lie. It was a lie. With all eyes focused on me how was I supposed to be fine. I took a deep breath, and then another and another. It was not helping. It was easier to think that they were cosplayers. It made more sense. I had thought that having proof they were real would make things better but it only got them worse.

'' Are you not going to say something?'' I heard Thorin's venomous voice. _What a jerk. Can't he see I have a panic attack!?_ He wanted me to talk and well, you don't say no to royalty. One last deep breath. I haven't planned the words that escaped my mouth. I can assure you they were not what I wanted to say, but well pressure...

'' Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on the rainbow!'' I said in a high pitched tone and then( shame) I passed out leaving some of my '' guests'' confounded or when it came to mister King, quite pissed. If the fact that I fainted in front of The Oakenshield Company wasn't enough, I landed centrally on the toasts, butter in my nose. That reminded me something.

_I AM HUNGRY! _I thought angrily.

**A/N: Okaay so here is chapter 2 ! I hope you liked it * shy smile *. I hate to say it was hard to write - I have a lot going on at home so to find time to write is extremely hard. Any mistakes? I am sorry * bows in shame* Hahahah. So yeah what can I say. Caroline is like me. And I am totally bipolar. Sooo Caroline knows that they are real but what is she gonna do bout that? I know I know! * Gollum voice* Shut up! Don't spoiler. I hope you are still there and that you will leave a rewiev! :). **

**Hugs and Kisses to you all Beautiful B****utterflies**


	3. Slow start of adventure and toasts

**A/N:**

**Okaaaaay so here's chap 3 ! Yay . Hhahaa. Just wanted to say my jaw dropped on the floor when I saw that 167 people read this story. I squeaked and jumped like a kid and my mom assumed I am crazy. Haaa. I love you all *heart*. I am glad some of you laughed or at least smiled. Once more, great thanks for my followers and reviewers and favouriters :D. * Hugs everyone and gives them candy *.**

**So I got a question from VampireRockBitch. She asked if the chaps gonna be 4 k long.**

**Honestly I don't know. I always try to write around 4 k. But maybe they will be 4 k's or 3k's or 2k's if I am lazy. We will see. I still have no idea how this story will end xd. But I have an idea for another one but I decided I must fininsh this one. Ughh. Okay so I hope you enjoy my scribble :).**

**Ps. I am really sorry for not updating earlier but you know - school not cool :.**

**...**

_Previously on Totally Unexpected Adventure:_

_' Are you not going to say something?'' I heard Thorin's venomous voice. What a jerk. Can't he see I have a panic attack!? He wanted me to talk and well, you don't say no to royalty. One last deep breath. I haven't planned the words that escaped my mouth. I can assure you they were not what I wanted to say, but well pressure..._

_'' Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on the rainbow!'' I said in a high pitched tone and then( shame) I passed out leaving some of my '' guests'' confounded or when it came to mister King, quite pissed. If the fact that I fainted in front of The Oakenshield Company wasn't enough, I landed centrally on the toasts, butter in my nose. That reminded me something._

_I AM HUNGRY! I thought angrily_.

ZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzzZzzz.

First thing I felt when I realized I was awake, was pain. Not the Ughhh-I-have-to-get-up pain, but the I-must-have-done-something-bad-if-it-hurts-like-that-oww pain. My head, back, butt and arms were killing me. _Owww, what the hell?_ I had no freaking idea what had happened. I let out a groan and tried to open my eyes. That was a bad idea. The light from the lamp above my head hurt me. I swear if that thing was alive it would have probably been laughing at me. I covered my eyes and hissed, cursing my ''vampirism'' ( I hate light but I am afraid of darkness -wtf ? ). My right hand slowly found it's way to my forehead. I wanted to massage the pain away, it usually worked, however when I touched my front, my hand froze. _ Ohh shit. Awww that hurts!. _Under my fingers I felt a quite big lump. It was a seize of a 50 cents coin or at least close it. I let my soft fingers travel across my face and fortunately I hadn't found any other damage, however I did a touble touch to this little ball on my head. It hurt like hell, but oh the river of thoughts flooded my mind.

_Ugghhhhhhh what the hell happened? Jackie hit me with a baseball bat again...? Nah, this little shit would have been bigger if I my bro decided to use my head as a ball. I got dunk? Damn IF I did parents would kill me. Nooo. Jackie is not home... If Jackie is not home, then we didn't have a party and if there was no party there was no __alcohol.. That means I was not drunk. Oh God thank you. Plus a hangover isn't like that. (_Never had one, but Jackie had over 100 so I know what does it feel like )_ also what... Hmm. I might have fallen of the stairs... Nah. Then I would not have a bruise on the head but on the ass probably... What then... Maybe Miss Suarez was making her Flying Meatballs? Oh God NO. If that happened I wouldn't be that hungry. Ahhh. Miss Suarez's Meatballs... I love those. Would kill to get any right now. Meatballs. Mmm. Ughh Focus!. Okay, not my bro, not the stairs, not miss Suarez.. It could always be a giant fly that hit me when I was asleep... Haa that would be great. Okay then maybe Debbie came over ? No, she wouldn't have left me like that. She might be a bitch sometimes but she would never leave me in that state, on the sofa in the living room... Wait, what!? Why the hell am I in the living room ?!_

I was confused. I never sleep in the salon. I mean, sure falling asleep happened but only if someone was around. Plus If my bro was home he would carry me to my bedroom. But I would never EVER fall asleep on the salon couch alone. _ What the fuck?_ Painfuly I sat on the couch and rubbed my eyes. _I need a painkiller. NOW. _I tried to get off the sofa, but my muscles decided it was a perfect time to start a riot. _I growled. Get up you lazy red fleshy, squishy things! I want a pain killer and that will help you too morons. _I was talking/thinking to my body parts. It took them about 10 minutes to consider my proposition and then, with quite a few difficulties, I could stand. I took a deep breath and tried to strech a little bit. My brother always used to say: _**If you ass hurts strech it out, If it still hurts massage it and if that doesn't work, it means you need another ass.**_ I giggled a little bit when I thought about my bro's saying. He would always say it in an old man's grumpy voice. Oh God priceless. I started with my head or should I say neck. Circles to the right, to the left, up and down, massage time and repeat. I did the same with the rest of my body and I must say, I believe it was grateful. The pain was smaller however that didn't mean I would not get the pills. I was about to leave the room when I heard voices.

'' We can't trust her''

''She is the only one who can help us...''

" But did you see what she has on the walls?.."

" Or how she reacted?''

'' We can't trust her, she.."

"Shut up I say we have to.."

Those voices clearly belonged to men and I would never invite a men over! Okay I would, but only my parents's friend or Jackie's friends! And no more than 2, while I heard at least 5. _What the hell is going on?! Some of these voices sound familiar, as if I heard them not long ago..._

'' Come on, we should check if the lass is awake'' said one of the voices.

'' Later Balin. Now we need to discuss where did the bloody wizard disappear.''. Balin!? _OH MY GOD. _ That was the moment when all of the events of last night came rushing into my mind. My computer breaking, going to Jackie for help, packing, my bro leaving to Italy, beeing hungry, wanting to eat toasts, planing on watching a movie and... The dwarves. The Thorin Oakenshield Company. _ Holly shiiitttttttt._ _Okay * mental slap* _I also slapped myslef for real. _Keep it cool you already made a fool out of yourself by fainting. Okay... You can do this. They are just your favourite childhood characters... And some of them are your crushes. Hot Damn.. _

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, bracing myslef. I could do that. I have been through a lot of nervous situations, that was nothing new. Well I have never met a fictional character... Okay forget that.

'' I see you are awake lass '' Kili's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. My eyes flew open and met his hazel ones. He sent me a cheeky grin and winked at me, causing me to blush. _Here I met my crush number 1. _He laughed at my reaction and that kinda irritated me. However the negative feeling quickly vanished as I imagined him as a Kitty. That made me giggle.

'' Yeah well, what host I would be if I slept all night! I mean I probably fainted for hours. How long was I out by the way?'' I asked him curiously. I decided it was best to play cool, even if inside I was still screaming _HEEEE'SS SOOOO CUTEE! OMG I WANNA TOUCH THESE HAIR. _His eyebrows knitted in confusion and he tilted his head.

'' You weren't out. You were lying on the couch entire time.'' He said calmy and I face palmed myself. Of course he wouldn't know what I meant. In Middle Earth they don't speak like that.

'' Ughh. I meant how long was I unconscious? '' I asked again. He let out a long ''aHHHH '' signaling me that now I spoke like a normal person. I nodded my head and giggled again.

'' Not long MIss Caroline. Around 30 minutes '' My eyes widened and I didn't even bother to correct him with this ''Miss/Lady'' thing. _Only 30 minutes ?! It felt as if I slept the whole night! _On the other hand it was a lot. What could dwarves do in 30 minutes? What they did in Bilbo's house was, well awesome to watch but terrible to live. If they had done the same to my house, Oh boy, mum would have ripped me apart before I could blink. I am not kidding.

I bit my lower lip hard. I knew I had to check the house and then be the '' I-am-at-your-service-host-'' thing. I guess Kili saw I was worried because he came to me and put his hand on my arm. I looked at him questionably.

'' Don't worry Miss Caroline, last time I checked everything was alright. Not touched, not destroyed.'' He said calmy.

'' And when was this last time you check ?'' He opened his mouth but no answear came. At least I didn't hear it because my all atention was drawn to one sound I wished I NEVER heard.

The sound of a broken glass. Before the prince realised what happened, I ran to the family room. My heart was beating faster than ever, I could hear it in my ears. I expected to find the window broken or worse, a few windows broken or maybe my mother's glass tableware broken in pieces. I even expected to find the giant, black chandelier on the floor but I surely didn't expect THAT. There in the middle of the family room, on the black wooden floor 3 shocked dwarves - Bifur, Bombur and Nori were lying covered in shattered glass pieces. _Why are they covered with glass?_ The realisation hit me hard and I felt my eyes widen, ( God they will fall out someday...). Something was missing in the room. And when I mean something I mean a giant stag, made of glass. My father's wedding gift to my mom. ( PLease don't ask why my dad bought my mum a stag. He doesn't know that either). _HOLYYYYYYYY SHITTTTTT. PARENTS GONNA KILL ME!. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_. The rest of the company entered the room about a second after me and also was shocked by the sight.

I started to hyperventilate. That was when they noticed my presense.

''Ahhh I see you are awake lass'' I heard Balin's voice. Not that crap again. Yes I was awake. No shit Sherlock. My breathing started to speed up. The white haired dwarf saw my reaction and asked me with concern

'' Are you okay lass?''

'' HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY IF THEY BROKE THE STAG!'' I screamed pointing furiously at the 3 dwarves that were now slowly getting up.

'' Uhhh. What stag?''

'' THE STAG MADE OF GLASS. GOD REALLY? THAT WAS MY FATHER'S GIFT TO MY MOM. A WEDDING PRESENT! I KNOW YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN BUT WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TRY TO GET ON IT?! '' I was furious and scared.

All of the sudden I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. When I looked in the direction I saw Bifur looking at me apologetically. He mumbled something in Khuzdul and ofcourse I didn't understand.

'' He says we are sorry AND that he will do his best to rebuild it. He never saw such a beautiful thing and well...'' It was Bofur who gave me the translation. I sighed. I knew I was being a bitch.

'' Then why did he destroyed it? Okay nevermind I don't want to know that. '' I put my hands in defeat, then glared at Bifur. '' You better keep this promise to rebuild it, if not I will make sure the axe in your head will stick out of your ass '' I threatened. His eyes widened and he nodded furiously.

'' And you two '' I pointed at Nori and Bombur '' better help him. I don't want the poor guy do the whole work.'' I said softly. Ahhh the mood swings. It was when I realised I shouted at the Company and behaved like an idiot. AGAIN.

I facepalmed myself and growled. _I am making a fool out of myself!_ I felt eyes on me and let's just say I didn't like the feeling.

'' Okay... So I guess we had a.. um... rough start. But I don't want to be a bad guy in this whole mess. I know I behave like a scary kid sometimes, it's just in my nature. So... Ummm. I gues... Umm... I should probably introduce myslef shouldn't I ?'' I was nervous again. A few heads nodded. Okay here it goes.

'' Okay. So, my name is Caroline, No Miss no Lady, just Caroline. I am the owner of this house. I mean my parents are but when they are away I get to rule here. Unless my brother is here but he is not so... Yeah I am the queen of the house. I am really sorry for the reactions I gave you... I mean the whole screaming, shouting, fainting thing. I am really bi polar. Plus I am before my period so I am a total bitch right now. Haaha. Sooooooo...

You guys must have a few questions right now right?'' I asked.

'' We have a lot of questions girl'' said a gruffy voice. Anger build in me again but I decided to tame it. No more emotion bursts! I turned slowly and gave my best smile

'' I asked you not to call me that.'' we started glaring at each other. Icy blue againt emerald green. The ''fight'' would have lasted longer if our favourite wizard.

'' I believe we should sit down and discuss a few matters like civil poeple'' He said.

'' You are right Gandalf, as always'' I agreed politely.

We all ended up in the dining room. It was one of the biggest rooms in my house. We were right about to start our '' discussion'' when I heard a few sounds coming from the dwarves. I guessed they had heard them too because they started to blush. It took me a second to understand what happended and when I did I felt like an idiot. AGain.

'' Oh my God! I am so sorry ! You guys must be starving! What a moron I am. Stupid stupid stupid! '' I scolded myself. Then, all of a sudden I heard my stomach make the same sound. '' I guess I have yet another thing to apologise for.''

The laughter of the Company filled the air. Everyone were amused. Everyone expect the King ofcourse. Thorin only scoffed. What a jerk. I looked at them and not knowing why I felt a great need. A need to change their fate, to help them somehow with the journey. When I looked at Bofur and his hat I felt my heart laugh, looking at Bifur, Bombur, Nori and Dori I couldn't help but smile. Ori made me giggle, Fili and Kili, well they were my kittens now. Oin, Gloin and Dwalin were still not my favourites but I started to feel about them as like about friends. Balin reminded me of my grandfather, Bilbo of my cousin and Gandalf, well Gandalf will always be my wizard and hero. Thorin reminded me of Grumpy. At least he did then. I had no idea why I felt like I did at that time. It just hit me like a lightning. Just like that. All of a sudden they became my family. I know it sounds ridiculous because I haven't even talked to half of them but... I just couldn't stop the feelings. My stomach let out another growl. I laughed.

'' Well, I guess we should get something to eat. Who likes Chinesse food?'' I asked. Then I realised something elese. _**I still had a desire for toasts!**_

**_BBBBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb?_**

_**A/N: OKAAAAAAAAAAY HERE IS CHAPPY 3 ! YAY * POPS OPEN THE CHAMPANGE! I want to thank anyone who read that. I know it has been a long time since last update but I have school and a lot going on right now. This chapter is shorter and I know that some said I should write shorties so here!. Ehhhh. I just wanted to say thay the REAL Fun is just getting started. I mean. Next chappy we gonna witness Dwarves eating manners, a lot of questions, Thorin being a dick ( I LOVE THAT GUY BUT I LOVE TO WRITE HIS AS ASSHOLE XD), AND Kili the Kitten xd. So stay turned for the next chappy! **_

_**I plan to post it next week, if not then in 2 weeks from today! I hope you guys will stay with me * shy smile ***_

_**Love you all and ofcourse review my Cute Cucumbers! * Hugs you all thightly * **_


	4. Questions and toasts!

**A/N: Okayyyy so time for chapter 4 my lovely readers! I love you guys so much!. Everyone who read this deserves a cookie ;). Haahah. No kidding ;D.**

**First let me just respond to the reviews!**

**VampireRockBitch: Yes new one was out xd**

**cookiemonsterblaaah: Glad you liked it ! :)**

**Me: Thank you for your honest opinion :). I know the last chappy wasn't perfect but oh well. I will try to write between 2 and 4 k's. That is fine with me. I will try more! Promise!**

**LadyDurin: Thank you, glad you liked it.**

**Megretria: I know it was not that good. Hhaha. Thx though.**

**Okaaay everyone! Thank you for all the rewievs AND for the views! The whole story has now 280 views! I mean wow. Wow. Wow. You are all amazing!**

**So... Quick summary of what happens in chapter 4:**

**Time to eat and ask questions... And some****embarrassing situations included!**

**Hope you enjoy! XOXO**

_**XOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXO.**_

_Previously on Totaly Unexpected Adventure:_

_I had no idea why I felt like I did at that time. It just hit me like a lightning. Just like that. All of a sudden they became my family. I know it sounds ridiculous because I haven't even talked to half of them but... I just couldn't stop the feelings. My stomach let out another growl. I laughed._

_'' Well, I guess we should get something to eat. Who likes Chinesse food?'' I asked. Then I realised something elese. **I still had a desire for toasts!.**_

It took me 20 minutes to explain them what Chinesse food was. First they had difficulties with saying the word. Honestly I had no idea it was that HARD to say Chinesse for them. I laughed at their attempts earning a few glares here and there. I mean who would't ? I even spelled it for them. And yet all I got was '' Cheesn'', ''Chenis'' ''Chenes'' and yet my favourite one - said by the one and only, our dear healer Oin. I swear I laughed so hard I almost lost my breath. It may be me and my wierd sense of humor but who wouldn't find a Dwarf saying '' Cheese? Cheese food? I love Cheese. What? You lass say Cheese nipple ? Eww that would be awful'' funny ? So yeah. Our beloved healer thinks Chinesse PEOPLE are Cheese NIPPLE. Took me another 20 minutes to tell him what I meaned. God I loved his expression. But Cheese Nipples are not that important in this story. Unless we meet some. Nevermind...

Second thing, Dwarves thought that if the name is so hard to say then it must be some Elf food. Moreover they would NOT touch any Elf food. Mainly because well, ELVES (duh) and for elves eat only green food and our Company would not eat only leaves, as they put it. I spent about 30 minutes assuring them Chinesse food was not Elf made. I even showed them pictures of these dishes. They still were suspicious. _Damn this men! Dwarves I mean. Can't trust someone offering food. _I thought furiously. That was when Ori spoke up.

''Miss Caroline... I mean Caroline... Maybe we should... um... Just... Um...'' He was mumbling. Oh God he was so cute when mumbling. I wanted to pinch his cheeks Granny Style but I mentally stopped myself. _Doesn't mean I won't do that in future_ I thought slyly. He was so adorable.

''Yes Ori? Let it out? What do you want to say?'' my voice was soft, I knew this buddy was rather nervous person. He kept mumbling things under his breath and I swear, I understood Khuzdul more than I did this!. I sighted and kneeled.

'' How about you tell me this in my ear ? Hmm? Will that be easier? '' I am not the nicest person, but those puppy eyes. My God just like a little pup. _Hahahha. Fili and Kili are my Kitten's then Ori gonna be my little puppy. _

To that he turned the darkest shade of red I have ever seen. I thought he was going to explode or something. I got a little bit closer and put my hand on his forehead. _Wooooah. Puppy is burning. Oh God. This Pup is on Fireee. _It was noot my idea to make him uncomfortable. Shit.

_'' _Master Ori? Are you alright? '' Now I used some formalities. However that did not help. I leaned a bit more and... Let's just say I have not expected this cute little dwarf to do THAT.

Not even 5 seconds passed after I asked my question and I was met with a loud answear. Little Ori, sweet little Ori burped right into my face. It wasn't a short burp. It wasn't a light burp. No. Oh no. It was even longer than the one he let out in the movie. So I was kneeling there. On my dining room dark floor. With my eyes opened wide. Beeing burped at by a Dwarf.

I was so shocked by his outburst that I felt my jaw go slack. My brows went so high I thought that they wanted to leave my head. Not that I would be surprised by that. If I were them I would have already done that. So Ori's burp continued and so did my shock. Soon we were surrounded by the rest of the Company with bemused expressions. I can tell you that even DWALIN looked mirthful. Fili and Kili were ofcourse giggling like mad people. The rest tried to keep the face straight. Key word - tried. _Ughh yeah for you it is hilarious. To watch a girl dressed in a pyjama kneel in front of a Dwarf to give him some comfort to only be met a burp that would kill a Dragon. Hey. This is a good idea... _

As soon as the thought crossed my mind Ori's ''little'' accident ended. Thank God for that! We stared at each other for what seemed to be ages until he cracked.

'' OH MY GOD MISS CAROLINE I AM SO SORRY!'' he cried. '' I NEVER MENT TO DO THAT! I APOLOGIZE DEEPLY!''he bowed and with that he hit my head. Hard. I let out a hiss and soon landed on my back. Ori's eyes widened in shcok. He started panicking. I swear to God this cutie panicking is the sweetest thing ever! I couldn't hold my amusement any longer and soon I was laughing. I was laughing so hard that my stomach satrted to hurt. Ori looked at me if I was some kind of lunatic. I stood up never breaking the laugh. The rest of the Company joined in my laughter. Everyone expect for Lord Grumpy Royal Ass Pants.

'' It's okay Ori. Haahah. Nice asset you have here'' I said hiting him playfuly on the shoulder.

'' You're not mad Miss? I mean I just.. I '' Not the mumbling again! I held up my hand and sent him my best grin. He turned red a little bit but at least he didn't look like a tomato.

'' Sweetheart. I have an older brother. We had burping contests since we knew we could do that. What happened now is nothing new. But I admit you have a talent. Damn nice talent'' I winked at him.

'' Thank you Caroline. '' He said shyly.

'' You know. You might use againt Smaug. Haaa. Just imagine. You walk into the great halls of Erebor, stand straight before the dragon and let out such a monsterus burp. Dragon down ladies and gentelmen! Dwarves 1, Dragon 0 ! Woo - Hoo'' I shared my genius idea and was met with even more laughter. It made Ori blush ( again) but he was pleased with my idea. I loved their laughter, it made me feel so... safe. Soon we started to plan his burp attack at the Dragon. Let's just say I should never plan anything.

The food arrived and we Finally started to satisfy our stomach's. In the beggining Dwarves were reluctant to tase the food, stating it must be poisoned. I threatened to eat their dishes and not give them access to anything edible in my house if they didn't eat what I ordered, and well guess what. IT WORKED!

After about 20 minutes we were all enjoying our meals. And everyone knows how a Dwarf enjoys his meal. Noodles were flying through the room with the speed of light, so were the vegetables. Meet was devoured in a blink of an eye. They didn't care what happenes to the rest of the dish. I tolareted their little food fight. Why?

1\. Great to watch

2\. I love when people end up with noodles in their body parts.

3\. I just love these guys too much. Plus I feel like Bilbo now!

So yeah. Soon the whole room was covered in all kind of vegetables and sauces.

''Bombur! Catch!'' I heard Bofur yell to his brother. I saw the egg land in the red head's mouth. _Just like in the movie. Hahah Oh God. Hey! Maybe they will sing! Oh that would be amazing! My own singing dwarves! But how do I ask them to do that..._

I decided that I would ask them to do that when all problems are sorted out. That reminded me of one thing. I gathered them here to discuss something important. I looked around the room and saw that I had mere chances to win their attention. They were so absorbed with their actions they have probably forgotten I was even there. My eyes caught Gandalf's and I sent him my best WE-WERE-SUPPOSED-TO-TALK look. He nodded and smiled. I expected him to silence them but he did no such thing. Instead of that he just took a few vegetables to his mouth and started to eat. I was puzzled by his behaviour. Have I not ''told'' his to shut them up. Gandalf just continued eating ignoring my attempts to contact him. I groaned and took quite big zucchini piece in my hand. I tried to throw it at the wizard, but curse my aim, it had to land on the Grumpy Ass. Exactly in the centre of his face. He looked as if he had put a mask on his eyes.

The laughs of the Company stopped as soon as they heard a loud splash. They looked at their leader what is more their eyes went as wide as plates. We should seriously stop doing the eye thing... I froze in my spot. _I just threw a zucchini at royalty. At the King. KING under the Mountain. Awwww shit. I am in deep shit. Oh shit. He might be a jackass but still he is important. Fuuuuck. He is gonna kill me. _The vegetable slowly made it way off the King's face. When it hit the table I knew I was screwed. I looked at Thorin and saw him sending me the death glare. I swear if looks could kill I would have already be lying on the floor in the pool of blood. If we had been a cartoon then I am 1000 % he would be steaming. I sent him an apology smile. He growled deeply. We had a stare fight again. This time I knew I was going to lose. His piercing blue eyes were totally crushing me from the inside. The silence was broken by a giggle. A giggle that belonged to not no one else but the wizard. His giggle soon turned into a full laugh. He looked at me amused.

_Sonuvabitch! He did that on purpose! He knew I would miss and not hit him! Gandalf I am going to kill you! You might be my favourite but I will end your life! _I thought angrily. This was not happening. Gandalf, out of all people here. I scoffed and broke the eye contact with Mister Butthurt.

'' Well. That solved the problem of the noise.'' Wizard said calmly streching his fingers a bit. '' Now Miss Caroline, I believe you wated to talk to us about something crucial? Am I correct?'' Again with the miss stuff. I let out a long breath I didn't know I was holding. True I gathered them for 2 reasons. Food and talk.

I nodded in agreement.

''Yes. I wanted to talk about how you got here and how I can help. I promise you that my home'' I streched my arms Jesus style showing them my whole house. '' can now be yours too. I know you guys are kinda lost and believe me you won't manage in this world. So I offer my help. I will provide you with food, place to sleep, some kind of entertiment, anything you need BUT I have some rules. Firts, don't touch anything unless I allow you to. Second, don't walk into my room uninvited. Third, do as I say or as Gandalf says. He is a wizard after all. Knows more than I do. So I guess you have questions. That is why I decided...''

''What if we don't want to do as you say girl?'' A pissed off rough voice interrupted my beautiful speech. King of the Assholes spoke again. _Why does he have to be so annoying! I am trying to help._ And again with the girl thing. I sighed and took another zucchini piece in my hand. This time it hit the target perfectly. The whole company gasped when they saw it land perfectly in the King's mouth, shutting him up. I grinned evily.

'' Then, _your majesty_'' I said mockingly '' you can as well sleep in my garden, starving. I guess it is not fit for the King, huh? Now shut up and let me finish, will ya? Gandalf?'' The wizard waved his hand telling me to continue.

I cleared my throat.

'' Like I said, before someone decided to cut in'' I shot Thorin a lot to which he spit out the vegetable '' I know you have questions. That is why I want you all to ask me one question. Think wisely. One question each.'' I sat down proud of myself. This was a great solution for both me and them. I heard a few grunts of agreement.

'' We can ask anything we want?'' I turned and saw this voice belonged to Dori.

'' Yes master Dwarf, anything. And with that question you just lost a chance to ask me something important'' I said matter of factly winking at him. Firslty he didn't quite understand, but as soon as he realised what I ment, he cursed under his breath but nodded in acknowledgement. I laughed lightly.

'' So how about we start from left? Dori you are out but still if your brothers agree, you can make them ask your question.''

How did the order from left looked like you ask. Well it went like that: Nori, Ori, Bifur, Dori, Balin, Dwalin, Thorin, Bofur, Goin, Oin, Bombur, Bilbo, Kili and Fili. Honestly I decided to do it this way, for I was afraid what questions did the young princes come up with. I could tell by their smirks, it was something embarasing.

'' Well Nori you're first. Your question?''

''What is this #cozbay# you were talking about?'' He asked seriously. _Cozbay? What the hell does he mean? Cozbay... Cozbay...Cozbay.. Aaaa! Cosplay! He means cosplay! Haahaha Genius me ! *Self five*. _

_'' _You mean _cosplay_?'' I aksed slowly. I was 50% sure he said that but wanted to be 100%. He nodded.

'' Like I said. What is this this cozbay?'' He asked stubbornly. I sighed. Okay no more How-You-Read-This tutorials.

'' _COSPLAY''_ I stressed the word '' is an amazing thing. Now, firstly I will give you the Wiki definition then my own. Cosplay is a performance art in which participants called cosplayers wear costumes and fashion accessories to represent a specific character or idea. Cosplayers often interact to create a subculture centered on role play and a broader use of the term "cosplay" applies to any costumed role play in venues apart from the stage. You can cosplay a character from a movie, Tv show, anime, manga, game, book anything you want.

Now you might not really understood that, so I will explain in my language. If you cosplay then you dress as your favourite character and pretend to be that person. When you put the costume on you stop being yourself and you become your beloved character '' I said dreamly and realised I might have scared them a little bit '' Don't worry it's not like you lose yourself! You still are who you are but well, you are also being someone else. I mean you must have read a book and had a hero. So basiclly cosplay is dressing as this guy and behaving like him'' I said proudly. Yes to answear your question I quoted wikipedia. I sat down and waited for another question.

'' Then why did you think we are this Costlayers? '' This time it was Ori's question. _Shit! How do I explain them that here they are just fiction... Aghhhh. WAIT! i KNOW!_

I smiled and answeared politely.

'' Because my dear Ori, your quest to reclaim Erebor is quite well known here. In my world you are all believed to be great warrioirs. This Journey was even written down by an amazing man J.R.R Tolkien, but I will tell you about that later.''

Soon I was bombarded with so many questions such as '' Who thinks we are great?'' or '' Do we slay the Dragon" or '' Who does that''? or '' How much do you know''. I answeared those questions with patience and caution. I couldn't tell them everything, that would be spoiler.

It took me an hour and the only ones left with their questions were the Durin heirs. I braced myself and waited for Thorin's question ( He asked for more time to think of a proper one).

''What do you expect in return ?'' He asked. I was shocked by this question. He really thought so low of me? I spent and hour talking, how much I want to help and how important this quest is also to me and he does this! Jerk.

Anger is starting to build in me but I try to control it. Afterall I promised not to burst with emotions. I took a deep breath and gave him my You-an-asshole-but-help-you-anyway smile.

'' Listen Oakenshield. I know you don't trust me. You have every reason not to. I get it. Elves betrayed you and all but I am trying to help. I don't expect any payment. I don't need gold, I am rich. I don't want jewelry, most of it is ugly. I don't want anything! For me you guys reclaiming your home is the best kind of payment. Can't you really believe me when I say I do that because I want to? Noooo. Our dear Royal Jackass has to be the pain in the ass. Ughhh I have no idea how I could have a crush on you!'' As soon as these words left my mouth I felt my cheeks turn a light shade of red. I just admited I had a crush on him. I prayed he didn't hear that. Thorin seemed to be satisfied with my answear even though I saw fire in his eyes.

'' Okay moving on. Kili what is your question?'' I took a sip of my water, my throat started to kill me. I looked at the younger heir just to see him grinning evily. Another sip of the water.

'' My dear Miss Caroline I think I have a perfect question.'' He said softly and I took one more sip of the water. _Something is up. I know that look. _'' Do you really find our Uncle's face handsome? '' To that I did the only think I could do at that time. The water I drank was now splashed all over the table. Not only I had it land on the table but also I had spit in Oin's eyes. The healer roared and started to rub his eyesight furiously. The Company laughed heartly. I started to choke on the water's leftover. I hit my chest a few time and finally was able to catch my breath. I sent Kili a murderous glare.

_He did not just asked what I think he asked! I swear to God, Valar, Mahal, Buddha whoever! That if he did I am going to kill him! Kill the Kitten ! Ughhh! _

''What did you say?'' I asked through gritted teeth and coughed again. With an innocence of a child he replied.

'' I asked you Lady Caroline if you found our Uncle's face handsome. You said earlier, and here I quote'' he cleared his throat and tried to sound like me. All I have to say is that he failed. but he didn't know that. _**"If I hear you call me woman one more time I swear to God that your handsome face will soon look worse than Goblin's ass!'' **_So my question is. Do you really think Uncle is handsome?'' He was now looking at me with amusement and pride. I have no idea what he took pride in. Probably pissing me off. I groaned and smacked myslef. Kitten let out a small giggle. Then an amazing idea hit me. Amazing for me at least. Deep breath.

'' Truth?'' I asked calmy.

'' Truth'' He demaned softly.

I glared at Thorin who seemed to be interested in my answear. I looked him straight in the eyes.

'' I find your uncle attractive, true. I believe he has amazing icy blue eyes and I admit I could stare in them for hours. He has gorgeous voice that used to make me go weak in my knees, now it sends shivers down my spine. His smile is stunning. The raven black hair makes him look dangerous. And the whole apperance. In my opinion he is just like chocolate cake. '' I narrowed my eyes '' A chocolate cake and I love cakes. So yes I find your Uncle extremely attractive and handsome'' I looked around to see that the Dwarves were all shocked by my answear. Ori was blushing. Like always. Everybody's jaws hunged open. Kili himslef looked stunned by my answear. He expected the truth. Fili looked at me if I was a madwoman. Well, maybe I was. Finally I looked at Thorin. He was opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something but no words came out. I saw he was blushing. HE WAS BLUSHING. I HAVE MADE KING UNDER THE MOUNTAIN BLUSH! I loved this expression. I laughed.

'' Listen Grumpy Cake. I might find you attractive but that doesn't change the fact that you are annoying as Hell and make me pissed off everytime I look at you. As much as I adore the way you look, your character is horrible. At least what you have shown towards me. You think I have a crush at you because of you? Noo. I find YOU attractive because Richard Armitage is my perfection. Looks and personality. Don't get your ego grow too much Oaky'' I said and waved my hand dismissivly. Now the look of the Thorin I knew came back because he was glaring at me again. I stuck my tounge out. Very mature.

'' Okay! Everyone knows Caroline finds Durins attractive! Fili your question?'' I urged to move on.

'' Durins? So me and Kili are also handsome?'' He asked wriggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way. I groaned and slapped myslef menatlly. Men!

'' Yes, my kittens are also handsome. Okay can we establish that everyone here is super hot !? '' I aksed impatiently.

'' We are not hot lass, the temprature is fine'' Balin answeared.

I face palmed myslef. '' Google what I ment!'' I said exhausted.

'' Now the questions all answeared! So what do we do now Lady Caroline?'' Asked Kili. Again I wanted to strangle him. First I am no Lady, second still I have not forgiven him for that question!

I thought for a while and came up with a good idea.

''How about I show you around? You gonna stay here for a while aren't you? But remember, don't you dare to touch anything I have told you not to!'' My proposition earned grunts of agreement from the Company members.

'' Okay up we go!'' I said as I walked from the table, turning to the exit. '' We can start the whole tour with this floor, mainly because...'' I was cut off by an enormous bump. Turning around I was met with the sight of my dear dwarves standing proudly and the chairs they just sat on, overturned and broken. _Really? They_ _can't stand up without destroying something!? Ughhhh They are soooo repairing that!_ I raised my eyebrows and looked at them questionably. I was soon met with laughter. I shook my head and smiled. _They may destroy the whole house, but it will definitely be worth it._

_This is the wierdest thing that ever happened to me but I love every second of that. Ehhh. I am hungry again. Strange. I ate Chineese and my toasts. My toasts... I HAVEN'T EATEN THEM!_

_'' _Okay guys! First stop is the kitchen! I need to eat something!'' I told them happily and was answeared by even more laughter. Soon they followed me. I wondered what else is gonna happen to me on this little adventure.

LalalalalalallaLALALALALallalalaallalallallalalalaallalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

**_A/N:_****It's here ! Dum dum dum! Finally. I don't know what I did but I fixed my comp, sort of. I don't have the files, they are gone forever. But at least it works rather well.**

**If You Found ANY grammar mistakes I am sorry * bows in shame* I tried to write fast and did not look at the words closely.**

**Soooooo. This chappy is shorter than what I orignally wrote but at least it has 4k's! I tried hard :). I hope you guys enjoyed my scribble :* * Hugs you all*Hahaha I hope I didn't offend any Chinese people!**

**Rewiev is like chocolate cake for me ;3.**

**Xoxo**

**Love you all my**

**Diamond Divas**


	5. Sad fact

_**What's up my lovely readers ?! I must disapoint you. This is not an update. Due to my school and the fact that tomorrow and on Tuesday I have probationary exam ( The REAL one's are 21st, 22nd, 23rd April ) I can't really focus on my fiction :(. The next chappy will be realised next week. I promise you ! *heart*. **_

_**Also promise #2. After my exams I will be able to post a chapter per week or maybe even 2. **_

_**There is just waaaaaaay too much work right now. Ughhh. I wish it was over. **_

_**I want to go to Middle Earth and hang out with Gandalf :D.**_

_**HAHAHAH**_

_**I hope you understand my situation and that you will wait! I swear it will be worth it! I may write a oneshot meanwhile thought to satisfy your ''fiction hunger'' !**_

_*** Hugs you all, because you all are amazing people ! * **_

_**Xoxoxoxoxooxox HLwCH**_


	6. Kitchen is rather far awayAnd Toasts

**A/N: I just want to tell you that Caroline's house is my pure imagination xddd. I wish I had a similar one though :(.**

**So I just wanted to respond to the reviews so if you're not interested then don't read and head to the story ;).**

**LittleBitchyCat: Hahah I am glad you liked it. I planned this since the beginning. And Thorin is like a chocolate cake :3. Nice nick btw :D.**

**Anonymous: Great you enjoyed it :). But I don't know if you read the first chappy where I say Care is like 15 soon 16. So I doubt I'm gonna make her romantically involved with Thorin... That would be strange. She thinks he is hot but that's all. If there will be any Romance ( I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT ) then MAYBE her and Kili or Fili. But still she is too young for a BF xdd. Hahaha.**

**Thank you guys for reading my scribble, I hope you enjoy this one! It has more dialogs in it because dwarves are chatty and I realized that here they don't talk much. This is unacceptable! Haha. Enjoy**

**Hugs&amp;Kisses.**

**Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal**

_Previously on Totally Unexpected Adventure:_

_''How about I show you around? You gonna stay here for a while aren't you? But remember, don't you dare to touch anything I have told you not to!'' My proposition earned grunts of agreement from the Company members._

_'' Okay up we go!'' I said as I walked from the table, turning to the exit. '' We can start the whole tour with this floor, mainly because...'' I was cut off by an enormous bump. Turning around I was met with the sight of my dear dwarves standing proudly and the chairs they just sat on, overturned and broken. Really? They can't stand up without destroying something!? Ughhhh They are soooo repairing that! I raised my eyebrows and looked at them questionably. I was soon met with laughter. I shook my head and smiled. They may destroy the whole house, but it will definitely be worth it._

_This is the weirdest thing that ever happened to me but I love every second of that. Ehhh. I am hungry again. Strange. I ate Chinese and my toasts. My toasts... I HAVEN'T EATEN THEM!_

_'' Okay guys! First stop is the kitchen! I need to eat something!'' I told them happily and was answered by even more laughter. Soon they followed me. I wondered what else is gonna happen to me on this little adventure._

_Lalalalalalalalallalala_

Just like I said, I decided to show them around. Let's just say it wasn't easy. You probably ask why. Well the answer is rather simple. It is not easy to be the tour guide when your group keeps asking you questions every 10 seconds. Literally. I couldn't finish answering one question without being bombarded with like 6 more. I thought I was going to sew their mouths shut. Like they couldn't ask these questions during our little 21 questions. Okay, I didn't give them a chance then. Never mind! Showing them the ground floor took me an hour, mainly because my house is huuuuuge and when I say huge I mean GIANT. My parents are extremely rich people, what is more they know how to use their money. I suppose I haven't described my house to you, have I? If not, then I apologize. Here you go, The Ground Floor: A! Before that. I just want to inform you that the colors of the house's interior are mainly black, white, red, grey and silver, gold. The only exceptions are my and my brother's bedrooms. But we will reach them later. Now at least I don't have to describe each room to you! Hahahh. Ughh back to the story Ladies and Gentlemen...

When you enter the house, on your right is the first living room, guest bathroom, guest bedroom, dining room. Now on your left is family room, second living room, and a rather big ball room. If you walk about 6 steps, on your left there will be stairs leading to the 1st floor. Right across the door there is my beloved room - the kitchen. I am not going to bore you with describing the 1st floor. All I have to say is that it consists of my parent's bedroom and 7 other bedrooms. The attic, which surprisingly is one of the biggest rooms in our home, I share with my bro. Okay, so I hope I got you guys a mental image. If not, try to imagine a giant Victorian mansion with modern interior. Got it? Okay great, let's move one. Where was I? Ahh right. The Home Roadtrip.

It started innocently. I wished to show them the kitchen, mainly because I was hungry, but you can't do something simply when you have to care o 13 dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard. When we exited dining room the hell started. I simply wanted to travel to my kitchen, that would normally take 30 seconds, but with these ...devils... my 'little' journey lasted 20 minutes.

'' Okay guys, like I said let's go to the kitchen '' I exclaimed cheerfully and lifted my hand to show the way. I was just about to walk there when I realized the light was going crazy. I looked up and saw that the chandelier's lights were constantly turned on and off. I titled my head and wrinkled my face in confusion. I turned around just to see Dori playing with the switch and rest of the Company, expect The King Pain In the Ass and his sidekick ( Dwalin), watching in awe as the lights changed. I face palmed myself. _God I hope he doesn't find the colorful version._ I thought and sighed.

'' Um hello? Earth to dwarves'' I said slowly, snapping my fingers furiously. That didn't seem to take their attention of the chandelier. Waving my hands like a maniac and trying to dance Macarena hasn't helped either. The only thing I got were snickers, coming from Oakenass and The Brute. Shooting them a death glare I continued my attempts to distract them from the lamps. I pinched the bridge of my nose and swiftly moved towards the dwarf. When I finally reached Dori, I slapped his hand rather hard, THAT caught his interest. I raised my eyebrows questionably, demanding a proper answer. Dori's eyes bore into mine and I swear he looked like a child caught with its hand in a cookie jar. _Gonna call him Cookie Boy._ I coughed signaling, again, that I wanted him to explain what the hell was he doing. Yet he didn't get it. I groaned lightly.

'' Why were you playing with the lights?'' my fingers pointed the beautiful chandelier. Dori finally understood what I meant because a quiet 'Aaaaa' escaped his mouth.

'' Bbbbbb'' I said mockingly. Confusion was written on his face. I waved my hand murmuring 'never mind'.

'' Well Miiii... I mean Caroline, this is absolutely amazing. What is this sorcery? White magic? Black magic? Or illusion?'' the grey haired dwarf bombarded me with questions that made me giggle like a mad person. _He thinks electricity is magic. Hhahahh. Okay, in some way it is. Oh God how do you explain that._ Dori looked at me expectantly and so did the rest of The Company, even Thorin and Dwalin seemed interested in my answer.

''No, master dwarf'' I stated calmly, trying to tame my giggles. '' This ain't any magic. This is just... It's technology.'' I said matter of factly, proud of myself, hoping he was not going to ask about that. But of course, my hopes turned into dust.

'' And what is that?'' This time it was Nori who asked me. I turned my head and looked him straight in the eyes. I wasn't really in explaining mood.

'' Well you know...'' _Okay, nerd time! Wikipedia definition coming!_ I sighed and recited'' the collection of techniques, methods or processes used in the production of goods or services or in the accomplishment of objectives, such as scientific investigation. And in human words... Magic to ya but no magic to me.'' I stated lazily. They both seemed to be satisfied with my answer because they nodded their heads. I was rather happy myself. I was just about to walk towards the kitchen when...

'' Look Nori it can change its color! This is truly astonishing!'' Ori exclaimed happily making me groan. I took his hand in mine and started to march in the kitchen's direction. My actions made the tea lover blush but I didn't care. The dwarves followed me but not for long. 6 steps later I heard deafening crash. My eyes widened in horror. Turning sharply to the reason of the noise I noticed Fili and Kili holding back their laughers and a mortified Ori standing next to, what used to be, a beautiful vase. ( I have not mentioned that almost in every hall we have at least 4 vases, about 6 paintings on the wall or anything like that, have I? Well I do mention this now. My parents are mega snobs.) Fortunately this one belonged to me and I wasn't very fond of it. It had been a present from my cousin, Bernadette, whom I despised. Me and her had a relationship similar to Bilbo's and Lobelia's. There were 2 differences. 1. Our parents always tried to make us like each other, mainly buy each other gifts and 2. Lobelia was a beauty queen in comparison to this... Monster. So, truth be told, when I saw Ori standing there, trying to collect the tiny pieces of this ugly thing, I was rather pleased. Mom and dad would kill me if I destroyed the damn vase, but if I told them someone else did that... Muahahah they wouldn't blame me. You probably ask, why not destroying and saying so? Because I swear, my parents are some lie detectors. BUT not about them. Ori's embarrassment made me smile and soon a wave of giggles escaped me. The young eyes of the dwarf shot up and looked at me horrified.

'' I-I-I'm so s-so sorry Caroline. I just... just'' he stuttered, his face red. _Oh God he is so cute when nervous ! Awww._ Letting go of Dori's hand I waved mine dismissingly.

''It's fine cupcake. I didn't like this damn eyesore anyway. Thank you for doing that'' Ori's eyes widened so much I thought they were going to fall out of his head. I winked at him, only making his face turn a darker shade of red. _Why he has to be soooooo adorable? Like a freaking 12 no! 9 year old. Awww_ I thought dreamily.

''You don't have to treat him like a child'' a deep voice sounded in my ears. '' He destroyed your belonging and he has to apologize AND repair it'' The coldness in Thorin's voice would make an Inuit freezing. His eyes weren't any better. I swear that poor Ori shrinked under his gaze. King Jackass had his ways to intimidate people. I rolled my eyes and glared at Thorin who was rather preoccupied with killing the little artist with his eyes. I am sure that if I hadn't cut in, Ori would be dead in matter of minutes, if not seconds. I cleared my throat loudly, making him look at me.

'' I said it's fine Grumpy ass '' this sweet nickname earned a deep growl from the King of Douche bags. '' I never liked this rubbish. I mean who would like a forced gift from your cousin FORCED to give it to you? And I hate pink. '' I stated, never breaking the eye contact. I smiled sweetly and tilted my head in Ori's direction.

'' If you really feel guilty about that, even though you shouldn't, then just collect the pieces and throw them away, or burn them or do whatever you want to get rid of them, okay sunshine?'' The second time I nicknamed him in this way and for the second time it didn't go unnoticed._ I hope they won't think I like him, LIKE him. Eeeh. I can nickname everyone, no need to worry... I hope._ I thought quickly. Ori nodded furiously and started to gather the pieces with the speed of light and before I could stop him from doing so, I wanted to continue my little tour, there was no sign of the vase. I raised my brows. Impressive that was. Not even me and Jackie cleaned like that and when our forces combine, me and my bro are cleaning monsters. When we want of course. Ori drew a small bag from his inner pocket and put the pieces in. Then he send me a small yet winning smile. I only laughed and shook my head in amusement. _This is getting better and better._

'' Okay! Now. Don't touch anything. Don't look at anything, don't breathe at anything. '' everyone's eyes widened '' It's a joke.'' I reasurred. The company let out a breath in relief. '' No touchy, no lookey, no breathy. Just follow me to the kitchen ok? Then we can go see a ballroom or...'' And of course I couldn't finish my sentence. That would be too good to be true.

'' You have a ballroom here!? '' Bilbo squeaked in surprise. I jumped when I heard the hobbit's voice on my left. I totally forgot about this tiny cutie. _Damn Gandalf was right. Hobbits are freaking quiet on their feet. _I thought. Seriously, I haven't realized he was on my side before he spoke up._ Amazing._ I broke into a smile and sent Bilbo a warm look. And what did he do? Blushed. I laughed quietly. _Hahaha oh God. Middle Earth guys. Smile at them or pay them a compliment and they are all red. Aaaa this is soooo good._

''Yes sweetheart I have a ballroom. It's not huge or anything of royal caliber but you can invite about 30 people for a fancy dancing party or a proper ball. I remember when we once held... Nah, this is a story for another time, but yeah. I have one. And if you want we can go there after we visit kitchen. Because if I have to be honest, I'm hungry again. '' Bilbo looked at me in awe. I didn't know if it was because I kinda was in possession of a ballroom or if I was in possession of a Hobbit's Hunger. I decided he was amazed because of the first one. Still, this reaction was quite common among people. You tell someone you have a ballroom and they're all like ' OH MY GOOOOOD! YOU HAVE A BALLROOM? OH MY GOD! HOW?' Ughh it's extremely annoying. Anyway, our dear hobbit was so stunned by my statement that he hasn't noticed a small podium (means we are like 4 steps from the kitchen's entrance, yay!) and his hairy feet collided with the wood. Bilbo gasped in surprise and soon he was falling on the cold floor. Fortunately my ninja reflexes kicked in and I caught him about a second before the fall. Unfortunately I didn't manage to catch his hand or another body part and was forced to catch him by his hair. My left hand was buried in his soft curly hair. _Wooow these are as soft as mine. Damn now I know why people think I'm a sheep. I wonder what kind of shampoo he uses. Because he has to use some sort of..._ my thoughts were interrupted by a high pitched shriek, that could easily belong to a 5 year old girl.

''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'' Bilbo yelled in pain and started to struggle against my grip. The Company howled with laughter. My lips twitched lightly and with one swift movement I lifted the Hobbit to his feet. He was so light. Honestly, I thought he would weight much more, I mean look how much they eat! _You'll never stop to amaze me Bilbo Baggins._ Our little burglar was panting as if he had just ran a marathon. He put his hands on his knees, bent and inhaled sharply. Then he straightened himself and looked at me thankfully. I just nodded and sent him an apology smile. That earned a small nod from the Hobbit. Bilbo's brows knitted in confusion for a second and his eyes shot up. It was when I realized my hand was still in his hair. I laughed and quickly pulled it out.

'' Sorry '' I said softly. '' Your hair is just soooo nice to touch. Reminds me of mine you know? '' I took a strand of my curly hair to show him the similarity. '' Wow, we even match with the colors! Nice.'' I said admiring our hair. _Damn we could be siblings! Woooooo. That would be awesome! My Brother Hobbit!_ I thought. Bilbo blushed furiously ( yes, again) at my statement. All of a sudden I heard a growl. You don't have to be a genius, to orient who it belonged to. Thorin Oaken - kill joy - shield was standing a few feet away from me, sending both of us death glares. I looked at him unimpressed. _Seriously Oakey? Death glares at Ori, Death glares at Bilbo, Death glares at me. Who haven't you sent a death glare? I am sure he even sends death glares at his food. Baaaa I am Thorin Oakenshield. Jump into my mouth or I will kill you. Doesn't matter you are already dead. Baaa. Hahhah. I need a video like that. Hhahah._

'' Jealous that Bilbo here has prettier hair than you? '' I asked teasingly. If only looks could kill... I would be dead and cut into pieces for that comment.

'' Can we continue our way to the kitchen of yours? Or do we have to look at you flirting with the Halfling? '' he asked through gritted teeth. My brows went so high I thought they would fall off my face. _Flirting with Bilbo? Me? Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. Yeah right._ I showed him my middle finger, I knew he would not understand the gesture but still, it was worth it. Bilbo on the other hand, hid his face in his hands and started to... GIGGLE? I looked at the Hobbit shocked. Of all his reactions, that was what I expected the least. _I thought he was going to blush and he is giggling!_ Soon his innocent giggles turned into a full heartwarming laughter. I soon joined him. When we finally calmed down, it was hobbit's turn to speak.

'' Me and her flirting?'' he snorted. '' Honestly I rather consider her a cousin or sister of some sort.''_ Yay he thinks just like me!_'' Plus she is not my type'' he looked at me apologetically. '' No offence'' Bilbo said quickly. I smiled reassuringly and waved my hand. '' None taken'' I said truthfully. I couldn't believe my ears. Bilbo Baggins just said he saw me as his sister! Best day ever. Hobbit's statement calmed Thorin a bit and when I say a bit, I mean he was no longer in 'I want to murder puppies' mood. More in ' I wanna murder orcs' mood. That was an improvement. A huge one I dare to say.

'' Alright we all know Master Baggins and Lady Caroline do not have a thing going, can we visit the kitchen already? '' A new voice joined the conversation. It belonged to Kili. My Kitten was standing with his hands crossed, a huge smirk on his face. I knew this kind of smirk. It was never good news. I was sure he and his other cat brother were up to something. I nodded my head and our ' journey ' was resumed. And of course when we reached our destination, another hell broke loose. The kitchen itself wasn't the biggest room in the house, but still it wasn't small. Moreover, it was full of electronic devices, half of which were designed by my brother. Okay I am not going to bore you with the look of my favorite part of the whole villa ( second fav, after my room). All you need to know is that not only I have a fridge, an oven, a dishwasher and a tea kettle but also things like blender, waffle machine, my beloved toaster, microwave, coffee machine. And let's just say the first things are quite easy to explain, but how do you explain a microwave WITHOUT using word magic? So when we entered the kitchen...

'' Okay, this place is full of stuff you don't have any idea of so I kindly ask of you not to...'' but the dwarves didn't listen. They were all in their world. Every freaking device was more important than my speech. Even a goddamn coffee machine got more attention than I did! So you must be wondering, what fascinated which Dwarf? Well. Dori of course started to play with the light again, Oin focused on a blender, Nori's attention was drawn by a microwave, Ori was admiring the tea kettle, _Huh_, I thought, _it should be Dori drooling over something connected with tea... Well, they are family aren't they?!_ Bofur was staring at the oven, Gloin decided waffle machine was worth his attention, Balin inspected the dishwasher, Fili and Kili were getting dangerously close to my toaster. I let out a growl that beat Thorin's. The Kitten brother's looked at me questionably.

'' No one touches the toaster '' I roared, making sure everybody heard me. I bet that even Jackie, who was probably on the plane, did. Where was I ? Ahh right. Dwalin soon joined his brother in checking out the washer. Bombur managed to open the fridge and with Bifur's and Bilbo's help was eating the pizza leftovers from yesterday. I chuckled. Thorin Assenshield was standing in the doorway, keeping an eye on everyone in the room. _Wonder what Gandalf would say about my kitchen_ I thought. The wizard's opinion was rather important to me. Anything what Gandalf said was crucial to me. He was Gandalf! _Wait, where the hell is Gandalf?!_ I looked around the room, but there were no signs of the wizard. Confusion was written all over my face. I slowly approached King Jackass.

''Where is Gandalf?'' I asked him quietly. Thorin only raised his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes and enquired for the second time.

'' He left'' was the only response I got. _Left? But where the hell did he go? Oh Eru, please not into my bedroom. Or.. On the other hand, better into my bedroom than outside._ My mind was racing. _What if Gandalf seriously went out?_ I knew he would cope, he was a wizard and he must have seen a lot in his life, but still. _How would he react to cars? Or bikes? Or lack of horses? Or lack of most of the clothes on people? It was night, sure, but it didn't mean the streets were empty. Oh God and if someone attacks him? Not everybody in this world is nice and huggy just like me. Shit.. Shit, shit, shit... What if Sebastian gets him? Ohh Nooo. If Mikaelis seriously lays his filthy hands on my Wizard I'll make sure he will be singing in choir with 10 year old girls. Balls gonna fly._ Thoughts ran through my head at the speed of light. Sebastian was my frenemy. We agreed on MOST things but when it came to Middle Earth he was a total hater. We even had a fight over it. And we drew blood. I mean, I drew his. For 3 weeks he looked like Rudolph the Reindeer. I started to hyperventilate slightly. That was when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I realized it belonged to Oaky.

'' Calm down, he left our group, but he is still is in the house. I believe he went upstairs'' Thorin said slowly. For the first time I was glad he was there. Then something hit me. How did he know I was worried about Gandalf going out? I wanted to ask him this but before I could he already gave me an answer. '' You were thinking out loud'' He stated softly. I looked at him with horror, to that he chuckled. '' I admit, you are quite terrifying'' Was he giving me a compliment? Dafuq Oaky. I smiled awkwardly. '' Thanks''. _I guess._ I was about to ask him, why would Gandalf abandon us, but a deafening crash decided against it. It was Bombur. Poor Bombur fell into the fridge. ( My fridge is huge btw). I laughed loudly and clenched my stomach. This was hilarious. The only thing you could see, were his wriggling legs. Even Oaky laughed a little. Bofur and Bilbo began the rescue mission and soon, after 10 minutes, Bofur was out safe and sound. Well, quite cold, sniffing and irritated safe and sound. _Ahhh at least there are no questions._ But I thought too early.

''Miss/Lady Caroline!'' at least 10 voices shouted. I jumped in surprise, then sighed. It was time to be Wikipedia.

'' Miss Caroline what is this?'' asked Bofur and Nori asked at the same time.

'' This is oven'' I answered pointing in Bofur's direction '' And that'' my hand turned to the microwave '' is microwave.

'' What do they do?'' the dwarves said in unison. I sighed. Just like kids.

'' Long story short. They both are used to heat things up'' I explained clapping my hands. ( weird habit). They looked at me perplexed.

'' Why do you have two things that do the same thing?'' wondered Bofur.

'' The don't do exactly same things''

'' But you have just said that they both are used to heat things up!'' accused Nori.

'' Well yeah'' I said lazily.

'' So you lied to us?'' they both enquired suspiciously. I groaned. It was annoying but also funny as hell.

'' No I didn't!'' I defended myself. '' Look, a microwave heats things up very quickly and can heat almost everything. I mean you won't fit a turkey there will ya? Also it takes about 3 minutes to do so. You can warm a soup, make popcorn, muffin, warm basically everything edible and even things that are not made for food.'' I explained shortly. The dwarves nodded and hummed.

'' So why do you have an oven?'' Nori's question made me snort.

'' Really?'' I wanted to be sure I heard him correctly. He nodded. ''Like I said. Not everything can be made in microwave. Most of things but not all of them'' My answer was satisfying enough because they just smiled and joined Dori, the Light Controller. _Hmmm maybe if I had shown him a music, he would turn into a great DJ. Yeah. Yeah that's the idea! DJ Dori in da house! Best Hip-Hop music in Middle Earth Yo! Hahahah._ Just as the thought crossed my mind I imagined Dori in a DJ's outfit. I had to gather all my strength not to laugh again. I looked around again and realized Bombur was holding at least 20 sausages in his hands. It was a hilarious sight. A wide grin started to spread across my face. All of a sudden I remembered I wanted to talk to Oaky. I approached the King of Grumpiness. Firstly he didn't really notice me, as his eyes were focused on Bilbo. _Bagginshield? Can it be?_ my inner shipper kicked in, but I had to shut her up. I tapped Thorin on the arm lightly. It was all it took to gain his attention. Icy blue was then all over me. He sent me a charming smile. _Charming? Wait, what?_

'' Caroline'' his deep voice sounded even deeper than usual. '' To what do I owe your pleasure of your presence here?'' He asked politely. Wow. He really started to be nice after Bilbo told him we ain't lovers or anything like that. _Baaaaginshieeeeldddd_. my inner fangirl whispered to me.

'' This ain't pleasure but thanks. I just wanted to ask you, if you know why would Gandalf leave us?'' I enquired curiously. The smile dropped and all the warmth he had in his eyes before were now gone. _Pfff and people say I'm bipolar._

'' I do not know. But the wizard knows what he is doing.'' he stated coldly

'' I never said he didn't. Gandalf always knows what he is doing. He's a wizard. And he is smart as hell. That's why you always listen to him. But okay that's not the thing. You don't know then okay, no need to be grumpy.'' I said teasingly and winked at him. It didn't help. His eyes only narrowed at me. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. '' Listen Oaky, I don't get you. One second you are bitching about everything, then you're all nice and charming and you make me wanna hug you and then you are a jackass that makes me wanna hit you straight in the face. I am a friendly person and I wanna be your friend too. So you either gonna be nice or don't play with me okay?'' I said softly, looking him straight in the eyes as I did so. It was truth, I didn't want to argue anymore over simple things. I wanted to know if he was closer to a friend or a foe to me. My words made Thorin clench his fists. I sighed and was about to walk over to Bilbo and Bofur when Thorin's hand caught mine in painful way. I hissed and looked at him with little hatred in my eyes.

'' You don't understand my situation don't you?'' he said through gritted teeth '' You don't understand we are in a different world and that I find you a threat? How can I be certain you won't kill us in our sleep? Or that the food isn't poisoned? Your knowledge is not normal either. You claim to have a need to help us but how can I trust you? '' his eyes were freezing my soul. No kidding, I swear it was him or someone just broke the window. '' On the other hand'' the ice was slowly melting '' you don't seem to be dangerous or able to kill, you haven't hurt us YET and offered only aid.'' I could see he was struggling. '' So I apologize sincerely if my behavior confuses you. I just haven't decided if it is wise to kill you or not.'' he stated venomously. For the first time in my life I was truly terrified. Like TRULY TRULY. My heart was racing and it wasn't the good racing way. He said he wanted to kill me. Before I realized what was happening I felt my hand collide with something warm and hard. It was his face. Fortunately the slap was soundless so it hasn't drawn the Company's attention. Tears filled my eyes. He was a Jackass, a total Jackass, Asshole, Douchebag. My slap seemed to put some sense into Thorin because when his eyes met mine again I could see sorrow in them.

'' Caroline I'm sorry, I'' but the only thing he earned was another slap. I lowered myself a bit so we were now only a few inches apart.

'' Listen, I know you are in bad situation'' I hissed '' but that doesn't give you ANY rights to speak to me in this way. You plan on killing me ? Fine! Good luck in the world. They will eat you alive.'' I finished my short speech, bareing my teeth warg style and quickly moved away from him. _Motherfucking sonuvabitch! Asshole, Douchebag, Jackass, Fucking Sauron is a fluffy unicorn compared to him. Fucking AZOG is a nice babysitter compared to him. Fucking Smaug is a perfect house wife compared to him! FUCKING SARUMAN IS A NICE GRANDPA WHO GIVES YOU SWEETS COMPARED TO HIM! THAT MOTHERFUCKING UGHHHHH..._ I screamed in my head. The Company might have been my family but this IDIOT was my enemy back then. All of a sudden I heard a beeping sound. It was the microwave. I was rather surprised they figured out how to use it. Then I heard Bombur and my eyes widened.

'' My sausages are going to warm and tasty!'' He murmured happily. _Sausages? In microwave? What? OH NO! NONONONONONONO! BOMBUR YOU IDIOT!_ I tried to run and stop the device but fate was not on my side. Soon the cheerful Bombur's cheerful chanting was followed by a deafening crash. I hope I don't have to describe you what happens when you put a sausage into a microwave? All I'm gonna say is, my kitchen was all covered in meat. The dwarves were lying on the floor dumbstruck, Bombur landed in the fridge again ( I have no idea how) and Bilbo was swinging from the chandelier, again. I was covered in sausage from the bottom to the top and so were everyone. But, that wasn't the thing.

'' Noooooooooooooooooooooo!'' I screamed at the top of my lungs. My legs carried me to the one thing I cared most about. To my beloved toaster. It was covered not only on the outside but also inside. I saw sparks and then smelled the smoke. My toaster was dying. I tried to clean him up but it didn't help. My little boy, the love of my life was gone.

'' No'' I whispered brokenly.

''Lass... Uh.. Are you alright?'' asked Bofur in his concerned brotherly way. I looked at him with tears in my eyes. First Thorin and now... Now my life was dead. I lifted Stefan ( that's the toaster) and looked at Bofur with wide eyes.

'' Can you fix him?'' I whispered hoarsely. The only answer I got was the long Ummm. So the hope was lost. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked at Stefan once more and... And noticed it wasn't Stefan! My eyes widened even more. Stefan had a small S drew on him and this one had a P. That ment... That ment it was Jackie's toaster! _Penivius! You little son of a bitch! Jackie you too! Oh my God! For the first time brother, THANK YOU FOR TOUCHING MY THINGS! I AM COOKING YOU DINNERS FOR A YEAR FOR THAT! HALLELUJAH!_ My body, my heart, my mind, my everything was filled with joy. Stefan was alive! A wide grin spread accross my face, I swear I looked like Chesire Cat.

'' Never mind gorgeous hat! Yes! Stefan is alive! Yeesss! Yes!'' I screamed with bliss. I started to dance my ''Hallelujah Dance''. Dwarves looked at me as if I was a maniac. That was when Gandalf decided to show up. He slowly started to approach me but I was too overjoyed to think about that. All I saw was a person and what do you do with people? With all the strength of a soon to be 16 year old I threw myself at Gandalf, making him fall and hugged him tightly.

''STEFAN IS ALIVE!'' I shouted and kissed the wizard's cheeks. He looked terrified which only made me giggle. Stefan was alive and it mattered. I kissed Gandalf's cheeks again and lifted myself of him. That was when I heard a loud noise coming from inside of me. I blushed slightly and remembered why I even decided to come here with The Company.

I WAS HUNGRY!

Lallaalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

**A/N: Pheewww that was long. I hope you guys liked it! Soooooooo please tell me what ya think :)! I wrote that today and I have to say wooooow. Around 6k's with A/Ns and Previously. My personal record ! Yay! Hahha. Also, great thanks to Assarizo for checking my horrible grammar :* ( THX SIS ).**

**That's all I guess... Rewiev rewiev and rewiev my E****ssential Emeralds !**

**Love you all!**

**Hugs and Kisses **

**Yours and only yours **

**HLwCH**


	7. Clean clean and toasts

**A/N: I AM ON A DAMN ROLL! Muhahuahuaha. This story hit 935 views! Yeesssss! Oh My God I am so freaking happy! *jumps around like a drunk bunny, scaring my cats* THANK YOU, thank you for all these views! Thanks for staying with me and Thank YOU for reading! I love you guys so much * hug*. So I decided... That I will write chappy 6! It won't be long ( 6k's gonna be hard to beat) but satisfying, I hope. So I guess it is like 3 k's long. Enjoy my lovely readers! Also Thanks for all the warm words :3. Oh and if you're wondering why I put toasts everywhere... :)**

**Because they are freaking amazing * fangirl*! Yes, I love them a lot in real life... Just like most of food Hhahah Have fun reading!**

**Lalallalalalal**

_Previously on Totally Unexpected Adventure:_

_Dwarves looked at me as if I was a maniac. That was when Gandalf decided to show up. He slowly started to approach me but I was too overjoyed to think about that. All I saw was a person and what do you do with people? With all the strength of a soon to be 16 year old I threw myself at Gandalf, making him fall and hugged him tightly._

_''STEFAN IS ALIVE!'' I shouted and kissed the wizard's cheeks. He looked terrified which only made me giggle. Stefan was alive and it mattered. I kissed Gandalf's cheeks again and lifted myself of him. That was when I heard a loud noise coming from inside of me. I blushed slightly and remembered why I even decided to come here with The Company._

_I WAS HUNGRY!_

_Lalallalalalalalalal_

So, in the end I had to be satisfied with what was left in my kitchen, and thanks to Bombur who devoured all my reserves, it was celery. It was the only veggie I despised and yet I had to eat it, if I didn't want to be hungry. Really, I even like brussels sprout. But nooooo. I was left with celery. I remembered cringing when I ate it so much that dwarves thought I was eating poison. But not about my eating habits. You must be wondering what did I do, when the whole kitchen looked as if a horror movie was shot there. Well what could I do? I told them to clean it up. And that didn't go easily. When dwarves want to clean, because they feel like doing so, they do that in matter of minutes. Perfect example? Bilbo and his dishes. But this time, Our dear Company was in no clearing up mood. So when I politely asked them to wash the walls, floors and well, everything else they only groaned.

'' But it was Bombur's fault! It was him who blew these blasted sausages up!'' whined Kili. He pouted and looked at me with puppy hazel eyes. He looked so adorable I wanted to take a picture and make it my comp wallpaper. I knew that he didn't want to clean, I mean I didn't want it myself but I wouldn't break. I knew what would happen if I did. Every time I would ask them to do something Kili would pull the 'please I don't want to. Look into my chocolate eyes. Yes you know you want me to relax' look. And so would Fili. Moreover, soon the whole Company would give me pleading looks and don't get me wrong, I adore puppies, but so many begging eyes? No, thank you. That's why the only thing I did was roll my own emerald eyes and sent him a 'this one won't work on me honey' smile. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he sighed.

'' No way I will cop out of it?'' he asked hopelessly, his eyes still holding mine. I only smirked and shook my head.

''Nope. No way out of it Kitty'' I winked at the younger heir handing him a piece of cloth. He was the first one in the whole group who didn't respond with a blush. No, Kili only smirked widely at me showing his white teeth. _Damn that cute smile_ I thought dreamily.

''Why do you call me like that?'' He was trying to rub the sausage off the wall but never stopped to look at me. Firstly I didn't quite hear the question as I was humming a lullaby with my head down and eyes focused on the floor. Singing would always make things brighter. In my case, sweeping has always become at least thousand times more interesting if I had a melody playing in my head. When I realized he asked me something, my head shot up and soon our eyes met.

''What?'' I enquired dumbly. I was so lost in the lullaby. Kili only smiled.

'' I asked, why did you call me like that?'' He repeated slowly, titling his head as he did so. My brows knitted in confusion. _I called him somehow? When? Hmmmmmmmm. Aaaaa! He means now, when I said he was a Kitten. Genius *self five*_. My mind told me. I totally haven't paid much attention to how I referred to the Prince. It was just a reflex.

''Well?'' he asked expectably. His impatience was very cute. I couldn't help but grin when I thought about his curiosity. Kili was so delightful when demanding. _No wonder Tauriel fell for him. Not only sexy, but also funny and more adorable than a plush bunny._ I giggled at my thought. Then looked at the Kitten playfully and sent him my best smile.

'' No particular reason'' I stated holding my chin high. My answer wasn't what he expected, because he wasn't satisfied. He only narrowed his eyes, but not in Thorin's death glare way, in a cheeky way. He put the dirty, smelly cloth away and crossed his arms. He glared at me mirthfully. I finally had I good chance to take in his appearance. His tangled hair was covered in the sausage's leftovers and so was his face, but it didn't make him any less attractive. Unfortunately, the attire of his was also stained in the food. _Kitty needs a bath_ I thought quickly. I could help him with it. This one made me smile devilishly. But not about my fantasies. He was standing close to me and gave me quite the view at his hands, and even though his arms were concealed by the brown leather coat, I could see he had sexy muscles. Caroline staph! No drooling over dwarves! Wait... He is still wearing the coat? Ughh You are a terrible host! Should have told them to take it off. They must be burning up! I thought concerned. _Self note. Ask dwarfs to strip...Whoa not the word! Ask them to take the clothes off... Aghhh Still not it! Ask them to take the COATS off. Yeah finally._ I remember I almost got a mental picture. Oh wait. I did get it. But let's just say, I am not going to describe naked Bombur to you, I am a merciful person after all. I understood that Kili was still waiting for my answer. I sighed and decided that I should give him an one.

''Okay few reasons'' I admitted lazily. _He's gonna get the truth!_ I lifted my hand and started to count on my fingers. ''One, you are cute, just like a cat. Two, for me you look like a cat and cats are adorable. Three, you would be the sweetest cat in the world, if Gandalf turned you into one. Four, I might have imagined you and your brother with Kitty ears when I first saw you and the image haunts me since then'' I said slowly. With every argument Kili's smile seemed to get wider and wider. I swear he momentarily grew about 3 inches from these... compliments? Well, at least Kili thought they were compliments. His expression was priceless. By the time I ALMOST finished my speech, the prince was grinning like a child on Christmas. But the last reason swept the smirk of his face. All of his cockiness disappeared in matter of seconds, it was incredibly hilarious. '' And last but not least'' I inhaled deeply '' Five, your brother kinda reminds me of a lion and you are younger. So you are either a sweet little kitten or a sweet baby lion. But you are not a baby so I choose to call you Kitty. Satisfied?'' I stated cheerfully. That was totally true. Fili seriously looked like a lion... So like I said, when I was done, Kili was staring at me shocked. I groaned. _Men... Tell them few compliments, their ego rises higher than Mount Everest. Tell them the truth they don't like, they looked as if saw their Mommy kissing Santa Klaus. And people say women are complicated dammit!_

'' My brother gets to be a lion and I am a... kitten?'' the prince's words brought me back to reality. His eyes looked at me with sadness and disappointment. He sighed and hang his head. Smiling, I rolled my eyes and shook my head. _Drama queen. I gave him 4 pluses and he looks at the minus. Ehhh._

'' Look at the bright side!'' I punched him in the arm lightly. '' You are cute!'' I poked his nose. He just shot me a glare.

'' Yes. I am cute. But this cuteness is useless compared to a lion!'' Kili whined. He was being such a child and it made me laugh. Only men can get offended by being called cute. Kili was pouting, showing his displease. What kind of a host I would be if my 'guests' were upset? The fact they were boiling in their clothing was bad enough, I couldn't leave it be! So I decided to take the matters in my hands. I inhaled and kneeled in front of Kili, right on the sausage (ewwwwww). Thanks to that he was now taller than me by half a head. I put both of my hands on his arms.

''Kili'' I said and gained his attention. '' You are not only cute. '' _GOD I can't believe I'm seriously gonna say that... _''You are brave, strong, loyal, great friend and brother, you have a willing heart and honor. You have sense of humor and a charming smile'' I assured giving him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. '' Not to forget you're very good looking dwarf with great hair.'' I leaned a little bit to whisper the last part ''And don't worry about the lack of beard. Here your stubble is far more attractive than a freaking long beard.'' As I finished I lifted myself and stood all proud and content. My face was decorated with a small smile. At first Kili looked shy but a few seconds later he had a wolfish grin on. I was amused by his reaction.

''So...'' he said his voice low. '' You find me attractive?'' he asked wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. My eyes widened and soon my hand collided with my face. Not this crap again! ughhhhh. No one ever told him so? He has to ask me this every 20 minutes? Seriously?. I sighed and looked at him unimpressed.

'' Yeah I do. Not my fault that the Durin's are portrayed by hot actors. I mean Armitage, Turner and O'Gorman in one movie? Oh Mahal, sexiness overload.'' I said dreamily. Kili chuckled.

'' I have no idea what are you talking about Caroline. The only thing I heard was that I was handsome dwarf'' Kili stated proudly, wriggling his eyebrows once more.

'' Because you are!'' I shrugged. More eyebrow play. '' Can you stop with the eyebrows? It's annoying'' I told him, mocking his eyebrows movement.

''Why? I thought it was good.''

'' Nooooo... You lose like 20 sexy points with that.'' I earned a big pout. '' Don't start again!'' I pointed my finger at him dangerously. '' We already established you're hot. '' He laughed and so did I. Right then I felt as if talking to Jackie. The only difference was the fact that my brother used to do a strange tongue movement instead of eyebrows. And we shared an identical conversation. Wow. De ja Vu much . And then his face went dead serious and his next question killed me.

And who do you think is more handsome? Me, Fili or Uncle?''

Fortunately for me and rather unfortunately for Kili, a dirty, slimy rag flew across my kitchen and hit Kili right in the face. My eyes widened and a loud laughter left my body. It was the best thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Kili's body went rigid as the cloth covered his whole head. I could hear his breath quicken under the rag. His face must have been hilarious. Soon the whole room followed me suit and laughter could have be heard even in the opposite house. At least I thought so. It took Kili about 30 seconds to react properly, and when I say properly I mean the fact the he started to struggle with the material and to scream like a little girl. Taking the damn thing off lasted more than 2 minutes because it turned out that the rag was not only covered in the sausage's leftovers, but also glue._ How the hell glue made it way there?_ I thought. In the end I had to tear the whole thing from the prince's face, leaving him looking like a giant tomato. To say he was angry was an understatement. Kili demanded to know who did that.

''Well what were we supposed to do Boy? Let you have a chat with Miss Caroline over here and leave us work like some kind of pigs?'' asked a voice, that I later recognized, which belonged to Dwalin. The bald warrior stood tall and was glaring at Kili much like Thorin did at Ori before._ He is spending too much time with Grumpyshield. Soon we're gonna have Thorin V2. _I cringed at the thought of having two Thorins in my household. There used to be a time I would give my home and all my money just to meet him, but Assholeshiled's earlier behavior proved that it would not be worth it. I remember I was so furious with him that I wanted to somehow call Azog and you know what would happen. However there was a little part of me that still loved this character and would not survive his death. So yeah, sucks. But let's not focus on my feelings and thoughts and go back to the story, okay? Great.

Thanks to Dwalin's question I had a chance to find out that the kitchen was clean, shiny and beautiful once more. I had to admit, it even looked better than before. I let out a low whistle. That was impressive. I glanced at the wall on my right and I swear, I could use the white tiles as a mirror. Every single tile, every single slab on the floor, every furniture in the room looked as if they were brand new. _They may make a lot of mess, but they clean more! God, mom would love these guys as housekeepers. _That was truth. My mother was obsessed with neatness and so was my father.

'' I apologize Mister Dwalin.'' Kili's words ripped me from my thoughts. I caught a glimpse of the young prince bowing his head in shame. I sighed.

'' No apologizing! He did clean the place he was told, so I don't see the problem?'' I asked the warrior, not wanting to hear any answer. I quickly added. '' Okay, I wanted to show you this place mainly because I was hungry, but thanks to Bombur'' I glared at the ginger dwarf playfully.'' I'm gonna starve. So how about we move on?'' I smiled.

The Company looked at each other and started to discuss things in Khuzdul. True, I was a fan of Hobbit, so I should probably be able to understand what they were talking about, but, as hard as it is to admit, I was always too lazy to learn languages. The only words in Khuzdul I knew, were few curses. However I can proudly say I can speak a LITTLE BIT in Sindarian. A little bit. So the only thing I could do was stand and wait for their decision. All of a sudden I felt somebody's presence next to me. When I turned my head I realized Gandalf came up to me and was smiling at me.

''Gandalf'' I started '' where the hell did you go? I was worried! Thought you disappeared into thin air! Not cool dude!'' I exclaimed. The wizard only chuckled.

''Yes, I am sorry for vanishing like that. I had to check a few... things and make sure we were safe'' Gandalf said calmly. I raised my eyebrows.

''Safe? You don't think you are safe here? Don't worry about safety. My parents made sure this house will never be robbed or anything like that. We have about 100 alarms. And what were these things you had to check?'' I enquired curiously.

''That is the matter we shall discuss another time'' he answered me and winked. I couldn't believe that, Gandalf the Grey, the great wizard, winked at me! My inner fangirl was in Heaven.

'' Whenever you want Gandy. You know, you tend to have a strange timing, right?'' I asked. At first he didn't quite understand my question so I had to explain to him what I meant.

'' Ahhh yes. You refer to the kitchen incident?'' I nodded vigorously, but deep inside it was not the only time I had in mind. ''Well, I always know when is the best time to come. Now, I would be glad to know why would you... throw yourself at me the way you did back then? Not that it doesn't make me happy to see someone glad about my presence but...''he never got the chance to finish as my hands shot to his mouth to stop him. I have totally forgotten that I had my tiny emotion outburst and hugged and KISSED the wizard. At least I kissed his cheeks. Mine were pink at that moment. He really had to bring this up. It was not my fault. Every time I have some kind of emotional changes I run around hugging/kissing people. Gandalf just caught my attention then.

''Don't mention that. It was just... I was worried you would get yourself hurt. And what kind of host lets his guests get hurt?'' I said nervously.

''Then please, pray tell, why were you shouting something about Stefan being alive, if it was my safety you were concerned about?'' the wizard asked.

''Ughh. Don't mention that'' I repeated dismissively. '' I get emotional quite often. So if you ever feel something heavy on your back, then don't try to throw it off because that's probably gonna be me. '' I stated. Gandalf only nodded and Thank God dropped the topic.

''Lass we decided we should move on!'' Bofur's cheerful voice ringed in my ears. I looked at the Company and smiled widely.

''Alright! How about I show you the ballroom?'' I was met with positive responses. We were just about to resume our little journey when...

''Stop'' a deep voice commanded.'' I wish to talk with Miss Caroline alone. Wizard, you must have inspected the house already, show them around.'' Gandalf narrowed his eyes but decided to do as he was told. Soon the Company exited the room and I was left with Thorin Jackasshield. His icy blue eyes bore into my emerald green ones. We stood about 8 feet away from each other and no one dared to move closer. I could see he was nervous as his fists were clenched. I took a deep breath and in my most poisonous voice said:

'' What the hell you wanna talk about Mister Kill or not kill, haven't decided yet?''

**LALALLALL**

**A/N: Okay so this one is not actually FUNNY or it is not funny for me xd. I hope you guys liked it and that you liked the fact that I have a good heart and decided to post it. I wrote it today and just couldn't help but post it. Tell me what you think! Next chappy: Thorin and Caroline talk, we go to ballroom and living room and guess what... It's time to go to sleep! Yay! Gonna decide who gets which bedroom and who is sharing with who.**

**Haaa. Okay. Rewiev please :* !**

**Stay tuned for more my Fierce Foxes!**

**Love you a lot!**

**HUGS!**

**HLwCH**

**PS: Assarizo saved my grammar again! Thanks sis :* !**


	8. A bit of arguing and toasts!

**A/N: Yeah I know, I hadn't been here in a while xd. Sorry :. Hope you're still there ! Here goes chappy 7. It is about 5,4 k long so I guess you should be happy :). And guys you have no idea how happy you made me! 1,4 k views! Holy shit! Everyone deserves a cake! A big one! No, A huge one! I have never thought this story would get so many views. It's amazing. Loooove you! Now.**

**I TRULY APOLOGIZE IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES! MY BETA COULDN'T REALLY FIND TIME TO CHECK IT *a bit angry about that * SO IF I MADE ANY MISTAKES, AND I PROBABLY DID, I AM VEEERY SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME * BOWS, BOWS AND BOWS AGAIN* **

**Enjoy the story! I really hope you do :). See you at the ending A/N!**

Lalalallalalalalaalalala

_Previously on Totally Unexpected Adventure:_

_''Alright! How about I show you the ballroom?'' I was met with positive responses. We were just about to resume our little journey when..._

_''Stop'' a deep voice commanded.'' I wish to talk with Miss Caroline alone. Wizard, you must have inspected the house already, show them around.'' Gandalf narrowed his eyes but decided to do as he was told. Soon the Company exited the room and I was left with Thorin Jackasshield. His icy blue eyes bore into my emerald green ones. We stood about 8 feet away from each other and no one dared to move closer. I could see he was nervous as his fists were clenched. I took a deep breath and in my most poisonous voice said:_

_'' What the hell you wanna talk about Mister Kill or not kill, haven't decided yet?''_

_Lalalalallalalalalalalallala_

The tension in the room could have been easily felt even by a child. I held my head high, keeping the eye contact. My eyes were narrowed as I tried to look dangerous. I knew I was probably failing. I mean, he faced atrocities such as war and death, goblins, trolls. He faced freaking Azog. So I doubted he would be afraid of an odd teenage girl with messy hair, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts, attempting to sent him a death glare, but still, it didn't stop me from trying. Well mainly because if I really, REALLY wanted, I could be worse than that giant withered piece of troll's shit. Yeah, sorry for that comparison but I just despise this guy. The things I would do to him if I only had I chance. However not about my hatred towards Azog! As I was saying, I could go so scary and dangerous that Azog would look like a pink fluffy ballerina with golden locks compared to me. But still, in that particular moment I wasn't able to even scare a kid. Well nevermind. Our eyes were having a great battle. You know the moments in cartoons where two characters despise each other and there is a lightning flickering between them? And all this dark sky and clouds and lots of rain sometimes? That could totally happen, but sadly, life is not cartoon or a movie. I growled and looked away, I didn't want any rain stains on the floor. I took one step forward and folded my arms.

''So Oakenshield'' I started slowly, ice in my voice '' What the hell you wanna talk about?'' I asked again. Honestly I thought he just told the rest to go just so we could have a stare fight. Or that he forgot HE wanted to talk, but that was quite doubtful. I mean this dude never forgives and never forgets. In response he only narrowed his eyes even more and now looked as if an angry cat. Yep, feline references everywhere. It was his turn to move a bit closer.

'' Do not talk to me in that manner '' he demanded. I rolled my eyes and tried my best not to yell at him.

'' This isn't any manner. It's just my voice!'' I exclaimed knowing it was a lie. _This is not going to end well, I am sure of that. Freaking 100% sure of that._

_'' _Do not raise _just your voice_ AT THE KING!'' Oh I could definitely tell Mister Oaky Oaky was going Mad Mad. Another step forward.

''You are not behaving like a king, so stop demanding being treated like one!'' I knew I shouldn't probably behave like that, but sweet Lord, I was so pissed then.

'' How can you know, how should a king behave?! '' He shouted.

'' I don't know exactly, but I bet my hair and dude, if my hair life is on hand then it's serious, that a GOOD king does not behave like a freaking teenager before her period!'' I was walking on a thin ice. I took a deep breath and made a I-am-a-stupid-blonde face. ''Oh, I just landed in a different world. I have no idea what to do! Oh, I know! I will threat the person offering her help! Nah! That's not enough... Ooo. That's better. I will tell her I plan on killing her! Oh, wait no... I will say I MIGHT kill her! Make her think that I can kill her anytime I want! Because you should never trust a young girl offering you aid! She might poison you with ORDERED food! Make her afraid! Yes, Yes! Thorin you're a genius! Let's drive her mad! Self five you sexy monarch'' I self fived myself, never breaking the 'stupid' act. '' But that's still not it! What would a good king do? Hmmm, negotiation? Boring. Gratefulness? Boring. Showing some respect? Nah, she doesn't deserve THAT. But hey! That's what a good king would do and I am not a good King! I am a MAGNIFICENT KING!'' I exclaimed making a proud face, pretending to have a sword, I lifted it high in the air'' I am the best King this place will ever have! Yes! YES! And I will make sure of that by driving people insane with my stubbornness and jackassness. YESSS! Oh, wait... '' My hand went down and I gaped mockingly at Thorin. Oh God, he was fuming, but at I guess I just haven't noticed that. Blame the anger. I took a few more steps and was then standing only inches from him.

'' I am not a King yet.'' I whispered venomously, sending... well the only hing that I come up with is a firestorm of giant swords. Yep, creative much. I was so close to him. I could practically get on fire. No kidding. He was fuming and gods if people could make their bodies burn if angry, then I suppose my whole house would burn in matter of seconds. I saw Thorin clench and unclench his fists in order to calm himself._ Take that Jackass! Ugh. How come, that I loooove him as a character but in person I just wanna see him suffer in freaking My Little Pony world... Okay, I should be merciful, noone has to suffer with My Little Ponies. Ewwww, they give me nightmares. Heyyy, Thorin would look quite funny as Pinkie Pie... NOOOO. Don't imagine that, don't imagine that... Don't. Shit. I imagined that... Okay this is creepy. Oaken PIE Hahahahah, no... Ughhh more nightmares. But he still has pretty eyes... Why such a handsome sexy guy has to be such a prick !? Huh, I guess Richard Armitage can't be that bad. I mean dude gets sooo cute when embarrassed .. Get back to reality! _A river of thoughts flooded my mind and I knew that the image of Thorin as one of the My Little Ponies would haunt me forever. Damn you my imagination! But let's get back to our favorite Grumpy. When I got back from my creative world, I realized Thorin's fists were now clenched so hard his knuckles were turning white. For a second I thought he would hit me, it did happen in lot of fan fictions, but (praise the Lord for that) he didn't. Instead he took a deep breath and I waited for his response. That was when I noticed how close we were standing. Still the 'I hate you most in this world, let me kill you with my gaze and then dance Hokey Pokey at your corpse' distance. I started to feel a bit uncomfortable with the closeness so I took a small step back. I was then standing about 1 foot from the Grumpy. His eyes were closed and forehead frowned. He was definitely thinking about something. My brain was about to start a Sherlock style deduction but was stopped by a breath that was slowly escaping the Jackass. _Oh let's see what he's got to say. He wanted to say something to me before my beautiful monologue. Okay, it wasn't beautiful._

He lifted his head and opened his eyes. The blue crystals were once more locked with my green... leafs. _Huh, this whole gazing is becoming our thing. What? You don't have a THING with this asshole!_

'' Yes '' His deep voice ringed in my ears. '' I am not a King yet.'' He stated slowly, softly as if I have never yelled at him and was some kind of a kid. This voice was even quite... soothing. '' I admit my behavior towards you was rather... unpleasant'' _Seriously? Threatening to kill me? You call that unpleasant?!_ I felt I should probably roll my eyes but I decided against it. He was starting to speak like a normal regretful person. I was planning on hearing the rest of the speech. But hey! Nothing good lasts forever with this guy.

''... and that my actions might have made you feel unwell, threatened. I am ashamed of what I've said'' and that's when he gave me the most touching beaten puppy face I have ever seen and I watch a lot of TV. Gosh, these eyes were soooo sad. For a second I thought he really meant that. All negative emotions were replaced with guilt. Guilt, that I screamed at the little puppy.

'' Thorin, I...'' I wanted to apologize to him but as soon as he heard my voice, the cute, lovely puppy was gone and a dangerous, furious, warg or maybe... umm... mammoth... no.. warg was better, though Thorin as a mammoth... , furious warg took his place.

'' But this does not empowers you to speak to the royalty in this way! Were you raised by animals? Do you not know when to show respect?! '' He asked in a raised tone. Yep, puppy sweet was definitely gone far, far over the rainbow and he left his big bad brother here with me. Talk about mood changes. I thought I was the bipolar one in the house! As if to confirm my statement, I felt another emotion change. Guilt disappeared and made some space for next wave of anger.

_How dare he?! And I started to feel guilty for these puppy eyes! Ughhh. Never again shall I be fooled! Damn, that sounded like Gandalf... You know what Oaky Poaky? Wanna fight?! Fine!_

I hadn't meant the real fight of course. I knew I wouldn't have won that. I mean please, 15 year old girl vs 195 year old dwarf? He might be shorter than me, but would break me into half with just one snap. So instead of having a physical, my genius brain came up with a brilliant idea. Insult fight.

'' I know exactly when to show it! Maybe you just don't deserve it you freaking jackass!'' I snapped. ''Oh and If I were raised by animals, I guess I would still have more culture than you!'' Ladies and gentlemen, time to start the insult fight!

Thorin was obviously not happy about the nickname I came up with for him.

'' Are you deaf? Have you not heard what I said? I said...'' Oh I was not going to let him do that!

'' I'm not deaf! I heard you perfectly! You said I lack respect. Well I only do for you! You ungrateful asshole!'' I exclaimed.

'' Stop calling me names, you insolent GIRL!'' he roared back.

'' Hey! I'm not insolent! I told you not to call me GIRL or WOMAN, Assenhield!''

'' Well, maybe I tend to ignore you, daft wench!''

'' Freaking piece of hairy wood!''

''Ill-mannered parody of a woman!''

'' Tiny version of a grizzly bear!''

''Offspring of an orc!''

'' Well, in that case.. Offspring of an elf!'' I heard him growl in response to that. Yep, MIster Jackass does not like comparing him to elves. At least I knew how to piss him off more.

''Why won't you go in the kitchen where you belong, you abomination!?'' _Oh no, he didn't! I will kill him in his sleep... Okay no, I will have to clean if I do so. Ughhh. I swear to God, Eru, Yavanna, Budda, whoever! I will make him pay for saying a woman's place is in the kitchen_. My gaze darkened. I thought about giving a rude remark but then I reminded myself that it should be an insult fight and if I started to use something more harsh then we would probably end up on the floor trying to kill each other. And I was in no mood to roll on the floor like a dog with a knife in my hand.

''Sexist! Women don't belong in kitchen! We belong anywhere we want, you overgrown guinea pig!''

''Mood swinging child of an orc and troll!''

'' Ohhhhh, I have mood swings?! You're the one to talk! I said that earlier and I dare to repeat, you are worse than PMSing teenager!

''Damned child of a dragon!'' Haha, Sorry T but that was a compliment. I mean, who would feel offended to be called a kid of Smaug?! Smaug voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch.

''That's all you have, you cheap replica of sheepskin coat?!'' To be honest I was running out of ideas what to call him not using my advanced vocabulary. This means, fuck, shit, damn and other variants of these.

''Khagam menu penu shirumund!" He screamed at me. I should have not understood what the hell he said, but thank God I was bored in my physics class and actually looked for some dwarfish insults on the net. I narrowed my eyes at him and tried not to laugh at this one. He really thought that 'Your father had no beard' would be an insult. Well, maybe If I were a dwarven lady, I would punch right in the face. However I wasn't one and I am not planing on becoming one soon. But let's not talk/read about my future plans! Back to Thorin.

He stood there all proud and 'mighty' with a smug grin on his face. _Idiot thinks I have no idea what he said. OR, Idiot thinks I have run out of insults. _Well I wouldn't be surprised if he thought so. I had a look of pure confusion on my face, but that was because I was trying to remember another Khuzdul insult. When I finally found a perfect one I decided it was high time I spoke. Of course I had to embarrass him a little bit, JUST a little bit.

'' Seriously you furry bag? You call my daddy beardless?'' I ask him unimpressed. He looks a bit taken aback by my knowledge of the language. I chuckle at his impression. '' What you thought I can't figure out what ya said? Well, surprise! I know a few things. '' I gave him a sweet smile. '' Here goes and example! Ozirum menu seleku! '' My accent probably sucked and saying that he could not forge a spoon might not have been the best insult ever but I got the reaction I wanted. Thorin was even more shell shocked. _Yessssss. Piss the royalty off - mission completed!_ I thought triumphantly.

For a second I hoped I won our 'little spat' and we would finally talk about... Exactly! He wanted to talk about something before we started the fight. _ Huh, wonder if it's something important. _But then again, our mood swinging dwarf strikes again!

''How do you know Khuzdul, GIRL?!'' he demanded to know.

'' Oh, I guess I won the insult fight. And One, I thought we already established not to call me girl. Two, I know some insults and basic questions or statements, not the whole dialect. Three, can we stop arguing? My throat is quite sore.'' I stated rubbing my throat. I needed a pill or something like that.

He narrowed his eyes even more, I was surprised they were still open. I have mentioned what happens in cartoons when two characters hate each other right? Lightnings and clouds? Well yeah, right now you should add tornadoes, volcano eruptions, tsunami, earthquakes, people screaming, and unicorns running away at the speed of light on a white and grey rainbows. Yep, we killed the colors.

Thorin was seriously making me go mad.

''Ugh can you stop sending me death glares? I am done fighting''_today I guess_'' so... um.. be that kind and move back a little bit'' I said uncomfortably. He was waaaay to long in my personal space. Thorin seemed to notice how close we were standing ( wow, it took him a while) and quickly moved away. I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out a giant breath._ If he and The Comapany stay here and we will keep on arguing like that, I will loose my patience, my voice and my sanity! I need a truce... Or I should stay away from him. Yeah, like THAT is possible. I need to play nice... But HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED to play nice if he is so... ugh. It's so easy to adore him in the movies and book, but it's also so easy to hate him in real life. I dreamed of meeting him my whole life and right now I dream of killing this furry ball! _Yep furious thoughts running through my head. I was ripped from them when I heard the voice belonging to the subject I was thinking about.

'' Yes. Umm. I guess the ... fight is over'' Thorin said awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. _Now he is being awkward. Ugh. _

'' Yeah, Thank God for that!'' I said lazily. '' Sooooooo. You wanted to talk?'' I questioned already knowing the answer.

Thorin's eyes widened. _God, I swear that sometimes the only thing we do is narrow and widen our eyes. _He cleared his throat.

'' Yes...'' He said slowly and then went dead silent. He looked down at his shoes and started to shuffle his feet. I was just standing there staring at him. I sighed and crossing my arms put the weight on the left leg. Thorin seemed to have forgotten about me or maybe his shoes were all of a sudden a better company than I was. This was really getting anoying. I looked at the clock and decided to wait until he spoke once more. The ticking turned out to be quite soothing. I wondered why I haven't heard it before. Propably because of our screaming. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Normally after an argumenet I count to ten, but then I felt like counting to thousand. Instead of doing so I just listened to the ticking. Tik, Tok, Tik, Tok. I began to humm with the rythm of my clock. Soon a small smile was plastered on my face. Thanks to this little ' therapy' I wasn't mad at Oaky anymore. At least, I found a way to calm myslef in case he was getting on my nerves again! I opened my eyes and realized it was really late. And when I mean late I mean it was 2 A.M. _What?! It's 2 a.m? But my bro left at 10 p.m. And when I fainted I was out for 30 minutes... That's not important! What is important is the fact that the dwarves have been in my house for about 4 hours! Aww shit.. I feel as if it was 4 years. Must be my quarrels with Assenshield. Dammit! We need to go to sleep soon! Thank God, mom and dad love luxiours life and we have so many bedrooms. I need him to talk and then give everybody a room to share!_

'' Oaky we don't have time for this. Get what you want to say out of your chest. I don't know if you realize, but we gotta go to sleep soon'' I explained to him. Thorin lifted his head and looked at me.

'' Alright... I wished to speak to you because I wanted to...'' Aaand of course he had to stop midsentance!

'' You wanted to...?'' I encoured him.

'' I wanted to...'' He took a large breathe. '' To apologize.''

* * *

_Company POV_

'' God I hope they don't kill each other'' said Bilbo nervously playing with his fingers. He wasn't the only one concearned about the duo they left in the kitchen. Gandalf, doing as he was told, took them to another room but even though they were rather far away from the room they had cleaned not so long ago, they could still hear the fight between their young, wierd host and the leader of their Company. All of them felt a bit bad about leaving Caroline with their King alone, especially that these two seemed to hate each other passionetely. So when Throin ordered them to continue ' the house touring' most of them wanted to protest, but they knew that it would be pointless. If Thorin wished to do something, he would do so and no force would prevent him from doing what he had in mind.

'' You're not the only one Master Baggins'' Bofur replied, worry audible in his voice. Him and Bilbo really grew fond of the girl and they knew they were not the only ones. True, she was quite odd and had a strange taste in almost everything but she was also very cheerful and wanted to help them. Even Dwalin was close to liking her. But Thorin was far from that. Bofur and Bilbo wondered what was the reason of Thorin's hatered towards the girl, and after long minutes of thinking they had nothing. The only thing they were all certain of was the fact that their leader and their host really shouldn't interact with each other too much.

'' I wonder what the are talking about'' said Kili curiously. He recieved a scolding look from his brother and both Dwalin and Balin. These had not killed the curiosity of the dwarf though. Kili truly enjoyed her company and didn't want his uncle to hurt her.

_I'm not deaf! I heard you perfectly! You said I lack respect. Well I only do for you! You ungrateful asshole!'' _They all heard her shout. The color drained from most of the dwarves faces. She called Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, their King and leader and ungrateful asshole. She was not getting away with that, Thorin would not let her.

_'' Stop calling me names, you insolent GIRL!'' _Fili and Kili heard their uncle's voice perfectly. The dwarves looked at each other knowingly.

'' I am going back there! They are definietely going to hurt each other!'' Kili said and started to march towards the kitchen but was soon stopped by a hand on his arm. When he turned around he realized it belonged to Balin.

'' Leave it laddie. I know Thorin, he would not hurt a lass. No matter how angry he is, he would never lay a hand on a lady.'' the older dwarf said calmly and gave Kili a reassuring smile. The prince could only nod, he trusted Balin's judgement.

''Kili is right though! We can't just stand here doing nothing.'' Fili exclaimed. The noises of agreement could be heard from everyone. That was when Nori had and idea. To lighted up the mood and occupy them all a bit.

'' I have an idea!'' He stated. Every head turned to his direction. '' It may seem crazy, but let's take bets!'' He was soon met with outrage.

'' Yes, it truly is a crazy idea!'', ''Why would we do that?'', '' What is wrong with you?'', '' No this is ridiculus!''

''CATS? WHY YOU WANT TO BUY CATS?! THEY ARE USELESS ON A JOURNEY!'' Oin's respone was the loudest. For a second there was a dead silence but soon everyone broke into laughter, even Bilbo.

'' He said we should take bets not buy cats!'' Gloin explained to Oin. Moreover Nori was not giving up on his idea so soon.

'' Well, think about it. Let's make bets. I say she will walk out of the kitchen, fuming, muttering curses about Thorin.'' He stated confidently.

'' Well, then you're wrong Nori! I say they will make up and meet us here with smiles on their faces. Or without the smiles, but they will have peace with each other!'' argued Ori.

'' Same as Nori!'', '' Same as Ori!'' the voices of the dwarves sounded quite eager to find out what was going to happen. All the worry seemed to be washed away in a moment. Men and hazard.

Soon the bets were taken. Most of the Company member's took Nori's side. Only Ori, Bilbo, Kili and Gandalf stated the less obvious version. And so they waited. They waited to see if their leader and their host will kill each other ( they hoped not), keep fighting, make up or maybe another option would appear. Everything remained to be seen. The only person that was sure of what was going to happen was Gandlaf. But then again, wizards are strange fellows. They always know everything. It is just their nature.

And so, they waited. But ofcourse they couldn't JUST WAIT. That was when Kili spotted a TV hanging on the wall.

'' What is this?'' he enquired. It took him only a second more to spot the remote. He took it in his hands and examined closely. It was thin, black and had a lot of buttons. There was one that caught his attention immieditely. It was the big red one.

''What do you have there brother?'' Asked Fili.

'' I don't know yet'' answered Kili. The curiosity took over the younger heir. He pressed the red button.

And then, not only did they wait for the result of Thorin's and Caroline's interaction but also tried to stay calm as images started to appear on the giant screen.

* * *

_Back to Caroline's POV_

* * *

_Have I heard him correctly? Apologize? Seriously? I must be having some hearing problems. This is just impossible!_

'' You want to apologize?'' I asked him dumbly, hesitantly. He couldn't have been serious. But Thorin had the most serious face I have ever seen.

'' Yes. I wanted to apologize to you for what I said. That was unacceptable'' He said quietly. I really thought I was going to go mad. I let out a growl of frustration and threw my hands in the air.

'' You wanted to apologize !? This whole time?! '' I asked him raising my voice. '' So, you really are a freaking genius! You want to apologize for being a dick and then you start ANOTHER fight you should apologize for?! I mean, really Oaky? This is stupid, even for you. Really, really stupid. You wanted to apologize, God help me with you! Why if you wanted to apologize you started our little insult fight? To have yet another thing to apologize for? You are an idiot. If you take dictionary and look up idiot then there is your photo next to the definition!'' I was doing that again. Pissing him off. I was aware of that. But I just couldn't control the words coming out of my mouth. Who can be this dumb? Ding, Ding, Ding, he can.

''Don't make me regret my apology. You should know I do not do that often!'' He warned me in a low voice.

'' Do what? Be nice to people!?'' I asked challengly but then rememberd I wanted to stop fighting and that we needed to go to sleep. I saw Thorin open his mouth in attempt to make some rude remark but I stopped him with my hand.

''No! No more arguing! We have been doing that since you arrived and I am tire of that. We need to go back to the company and figure out who takes which bedroom. Plus I am certain Gandalf hadn't showed them the best room in the whole house. '' I stated hoping he would just cooperate. Thorin just sighed and nodded slowly.

'' You are right, the only thing we do is quarrel. We should stop.'' I thought I was going to jump with joy. Finally there was someting we agreed on. I felt a smile forming on my face and soon I saw a wide grin appearing on Thorin's face as well. Maybe, we cloud get on well somehow.

'' Truce?'' I asked extending my hand to him. He looked at me strangly never losing the smile though. It took him a second to realize my actions. Soon his big calloused hand was gripping my small and, in comparsion to his, delicate tightly. We shook our hands and shared one more big smile.

''Truce'' He stated softly. '' So, you said something about going to beds, correct?'' he wondered.

''Yep, we really need to get some sleep.'' I stated and then became aware of the fact that our hands were still classped together. I quickly broke the contact and let out a chuckle. '' Let's go to them and see if they hadn't done anything...'' my voice died when I heard roars, screams and shouts coming from our dear Company. It sounded as if they were on a battle field and I felt that fear was setting in me. What was going on? ''...Stupid'' I finished quietly and looked at Thoirn who shared my concern. We needed to know what was happening. He needed to know what was the matter with his people and I needed to know if they hadn't destroyed yet another thing. Or worse, if they haven't discovered anything connected with technology. Not waiting fot the King's response I let my legs take over and soon, I found myself running faster than freaking Bolt. I was worried. Thorin was by my side in a matter of seconds. Turns out dwarves are really quick when they want to be. When we reached the room form which the voices have been heard I could not do anything but stare.

Right in front of me there were dwarves. Screaming some furious battlecries. Pointing their weapons at one thing. The Tv.

I tried so hard no to laugh.

_Oh Thank God! They think what is going on there is real. It will take time to explain THIS. Haaa. God I thought they destroyed something. Praise the Lord they haven't. I don't know what I would do if they did. They already ALMOST destroyed my kitchen. My beloved kitchen. And almost killed STEFAN! Which reminds me... All I wanted to do was eat some toasts and I ended up with THIS. Ahhhh, world is strange. Wait... Toasts... I AM HUNGRY! STILL! Ughhh. I need my toasts. Haven't eaten them in so long. But then again how can you eat with them around._

I thought furiously. But food shouldn't be at first place. I was just about to calm the dwarves when I saw Thorin of all people taking out his sword and charging at my TV with the speed I had no idea he possesed. My eyes widened even more. My TV was in danger.

_''IVAN,_ NO!'' I screamed but it was too late. Ivan was hopeless against the dwarves. But then something happened. Something that saved Ivan's life. Something I am really grateful for.

_Lalalalalalalal_

**_A/N: So this is it! Please don't be mad I haven't been here for a while * hides* but school... Teachers said we would have free time after exams. Bullshit. We have even more work than we had before :(._**

**_But that's no excuse!_**

**_Please tell me what you think! Rewievs are always welcome! Rewievs make my day and make me keep going! The more rewievs the faster new chappy will be out. I will return soon!_**

_**Love you all my Gorgeous Gifts :***_

_**Xoxo**_

_**PS. If you're wondering where I found the Khuzdul insults.**_

_**No spaces:**_

www . meryrose . altervista html / modules . php ? name = Khuzdul

_**HLwCH**_


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